Good.
It was the right thing, he knew, but he wished…
Daenae wish, Caden. It will only hurt her and ye in the end. Ye need to be focused. Ye have to protect the clan. Otherwise, this will happen again. Who kens what will happen next time? It could be Nathan who gets hurt or worse.
Caden refused to let anyone else he cared for die. It was too much to bear, not being able to save Joanna and his father. He could not very well lose his wife and nephew.
Despite his best efforts, his heart called out to Ava and Nathan.
Against his better judgment, he made a decision. He would allow himself to pretend, just for a moment, that he chose her. That she was truly and freely his to love and cherish.
A tear rolled down his cheek.
He quietly opened the door and saw her walking in the direction of Nathan’s room. As silently as if he were hunting a stag, he trailed after her at a distance.
The torches threw his shadow against the wall… until he paused outside the door to the little boy’s room. He pressed his back against the adjacent wall, listening as his wife cried herself to sleep.
He felt the urge to go to her. To beg for forgiveness and her love. He would do anything,anythingto win her favor.
He imagined spending lazy mornings with her, tangled in the sheets. Her body would clench and quiver under his touch, and their joy would be complete. He pictured a babe in her arms and Nathan standing nearby, looking like a proud brother. Ava would make a beautiful mother.
His mouth went dry at the thought.
But then he remembered her crumpled body, unconscious next to him in the sleigh. He remembered Nathan’s shrill screams. He remembered nearly losing to Kilmartin all over again.
There were other clans, other enemies. And who knew if anyone from Clan MacAinsley would seek revenge. He had no idea if anyone else knew that Nathan was Kilmartin’s heir.
Would anyone come for him? Would they seek revenge against him for killing their leader?
Battles over land were already painful to face; losing his family would be a thousand times more painful. Terror gripped his heart and mind.
He could never be vulnerable again. Never would he put his family at risk. He would die before he would let anyone hurt them.
It would never be possible for him to be happy and keep them safe. He had to be alert, sharp, on edge, ready for battle at alltimes. He had a village to protect as well. He could not afford distractions.
Besides, he would only end up hurting Ava and Nathan with his temper and moodiness. They were better off without him.
He would be here if they needed protection, and nothing more. They would live separate lives, and he would fulfill his duties until the end of his days.
He peeked through the door, watching as they slept peacefully in the moonlight.
Enough.
He pushed off the wall and returned to his bedchambers.
CHAPTER 23
Two fortnights later,Ava settled onto the stone bench beneath the narrow window that overlooked the courtyard. The afternoon light spilled across the rug beneath her feet.
Nathan sat a few paces away, fully absorbed in pushing a small carved horse along the floor, stuttering through a story only he understood. His quiet words were comforting to her soul. The gentle play was pure and uncomplicated—exactly what she needed.
The crunch of wheels on cobblestone sounded outside the window, before she saw a carriage roll up to the old yew tree. A thrill rushed through her as her little sister, Thalia, stepped out of the carriage. She looked tired from the travel as she took in her surroundings.
Nathan ran to the window and pointed down at the carriage. Ava squealed with delight as she scooped him up. “Come on, darling! Ye’re going to meet yer auntie Thalia!”
“Yay!” He squirmed in excitement.
Since Ava had told him about Thalia’s visit, he had been a chatterbox and would not stop asking when she would arrive.
