But then something unexpected happened. A thicker part of his tail curled beneath my head, lifting it just enough to cradle it like a pillow. Another small shift tucked me slightly to the side—an ideal position for sleep.
So he was punishing me… with forced comfort.
I closed my eyes, too exhausted to resist any longer. And within seconds, darkness pulled me under.
Chapter Sixteen
Shadow
Inever looked in mirrors. Not because I hated what I’d become—Hell left no room for vanity—but because seeing myself from the outside was jarring. And now, as I hovered just beyond my body, watching myself through the eyes of my shadow, that truth hit harder than ever.
Kara lay curled on the bed, her breathing soft and steady, while the thing I had become loomed behind her. Even asleep, my true form was monstrous—horns tilted forward like a crown of blades, tail wrapped around her like a living rope, my claws flexing in some unconscious rhythm.
I’d known I was larger than her, of course. But seeing it from this vantage point, seeing the contrast between my hulking, cracked-skin frame and her slight body tucked within my coils…it was a gut punch. Her skin glowed faintly in the dimness, her hair like a bright halo against the sheets. She was mortal fragility incarnate. And I—no longer even a man—was the nightmare holding her prisoner.
No wonder she dreaded my tail. No wonder she flinched when I got too close. The appendage alone engulfed her completely, a serpent around a sparrow. It should have been satisfying to frighten her. That was my nature. Yet looking at her now, so still, so breakable, I only felt…off.
Disgust rose in me—not for her, but for myself. For the way she was trapped within my tail and how a twisted part of me found it…lovely.
My shadow rippled, pulsing like a heartbeat in the darkness. My control wavered. I could command either form—spirit or flesh—but neither made me feel whole anymore.
Harvest dared to steal her from me. The audacity of it. Again and again, he clawed at my domain—first breaking through the barrier on the eastern edge, then west. Each time I confronted him, he smiled as though my appearance was proof of something. Proof that I cared. Proof that I would always come.
I had let him live far too long. He risked his pitiful existence with every incursion, but still he came, asking for Kara, demanding to know why I kept her hidden. As if I would ever allow her anywhere else. Fool. He thought she was a weapon he could wield against me. He thought she was leverage. He didn’t understand—everything that happened, happened by my will. The end belonged to me, and not even Kara and her fragile family would stop it.
The surrounding shadows pulsed with my anger as I recalled his words, his grin. I didn’t realize how far my gaze had wandered until it fixed on her. She lay on the bed, dressed in her usual mortal clothing—pants and a T-shirt instead of the loose shorts she sometimes wore to sleep. Less skin exposed, less temptation, but still she drew my eye.
I drifted closer without thinking. My shadowed form bent over her sleeping body, a wraith above the living. My hand—darkness made flesh—hovered, then traced a line down the length of her hair. And then it hit: a sharp, splintering ache that made me freeze. A craving.
For one moment—just one—I let it roll through me. The hunger to know her warmth. The breath rising from her lips. The scent of her skin. The taste. If I could have nothing else, let me have that. One trace. One fragment. One thing that clung.
I tore myself back, retreating from the bed in an instant. No, this was weakness. There was no yearning. I loathed every inch of her beauty. She existed only to infuriate me. Had I forgotten how to cage those unnecessary stirrings inside me? I couldn’t even feel her. But if I could…
Maybe this was proof of how cursed the marks truly were. She feared the idea of my doing anything to her, and I loathed myself for wanting it. I hated that—even stripped of sensation, even locked inside my own numb flesh—the truth still burned through my thoughts.
I wanted to taste her.
I wanted to touch her.
I wanted to plunge into her.
And Kara would despise me more than she already did if she ever knew. She already had a hundred reasons to hate me. When I was finished, she’d never see her family again, never see anything.
And I didn’t care. I made my choice. I’d see it through.
I lifted my shadowed arm and watched my real arm mimic the movement, fist clenching tight. When she’d been in my arms earlier, I swore—just for an instant—that I felt her weight,her warmth. But it couldn’t be. I couldn’t feel her body weight wrapped within my tail, couldn’t feel her thighs or her breath or the curve of her ribs. Not even that.
I slipped back into my body, eyes opening, chest expanding. Against my will, my head turned, gaze sliding back to where she lay. What did she smell like? What did her desire taste like? I’d never know, and that ignorance was crueler than her beauty.
Disgust burned through me. If I didn’t stop, I’d go restless. I’ve spent so long pretending this lust didn’t exist, lying to myself until I almost believed it. But it’s there. It plagues me as surely as she did.
I might be denied touch, but I still have sight. And sight is enough to imagine. I could still watch. Still see.Seeing her pleasure—that would be... I swallowed hard, dragging a hand down my neck as unwanted heat twisted in my gut and chest, igniting a fire that stayed locked inside my dead nerves.
My cock feels nothing. But my hunger—to fuck, to taste, to know—lasts for days.
Funny how I blamed my loss of sensation on being alive too long. But I remembered exactly when it began—the day I cursed the Reaper siblings. Maybe it was the price of my feud with Grim, the toll for cursing his children.
Angels didn’t feel much. They were absent of pesky emotions and cravings. I’d been one long ago, and I knew what it was to lack senses. When the loss came, I didn’t dwell on it. Foolishly, I even thought it would protect me—keep me from reacting to the vision of Kara, keep me from this need. Clearly, I was wrong. Inwardly, I was rioting, burning with a hunger I wanted gone.
