She threw her head back and laughed. “Not at all. It’s…nice. Since you’re here, why don’t you take a seat? I’ve got hot chocolate, and I could be persuaded to share.” She raised a stainless-steel mug, one of those that kept liquids hot for hours.
“Ah, now there’s a loaded proposition. I’m comfortable standing. I’ve done enough sitting for one day.” Another fib, but I was holding onto my self-preservation like a life raft. Getting closer to her would lower my guard, and my resolve to keep things strictly friendly. Platonic. For the next twenty days.
“Relaxing is hard for you, isn’t it?” Her unexpected question did what most other people never could. It made me smile. That’s two in one day, and all because of her.
“I have my moments. What about you? What’s got you up so late that you’re braving frostbite?” Turning the conversation onto her was a weak move. I didn’t think she’d want a graphic description of just what had been on mind.
Jaci’s eyes narrowed as she studied me, a wrinkle appearing between her brows. It reminded me I’d first thought her to be quite a bit younger than me, but now I read a wisdom in her eyes that only came with age and disappointments in life.
I got the sense she knew I was evading but was going to let me off the hook. Funny how someone you just met could bring you a bit of peace simply by being around them. Because underneath every physical reaction I’ve experienced toward Jaci, there was also a knowing that I’d be safe with her. Which I knew was ludicrous considering we’d just met. But I’d learned to trust my intuition a long time ago. Plus, my dog loved her andher son. Now the ball was in my court if I wanted to go against my need to follow rules in order to pursue even a short-term fling with her.
“You look like you’re trying to solve cold fusion over there. What has you up so late?” Jaci gave my words back to me as she adjusted her lap blanket as Duchess finally settled at her feet or rather across her feet, seeking the woman’s heat. Was it possible to be jealous of one’s dog? An overwhelming urge to push the canine away and take the seat she’d just offered me smacked me in the chest. I wanted to absorb her warmth, offer her mine, preferably in my bed where winter clothing was most definitely not required.
Shit, all these fanciful thoughts had to stop, or I was going to do something stupid or caveman-like and toss her over my shoulders and take her back to my metaphorical cave.
The silence stretched as I debated what to tell her. It was too soon for the truth, but maybe I could give her a peek into my life that I’d been struggling with. Was now really the right time to retire?
“The upcoming changes, to be honest. I thought that after twenty-five years in uniform I was ready for a change.” Leaning against the deck’s railing with my forearms resting on the smooth wood, I clasped my hands together for warmth, hoping I appeared more relaxed than I was. And to once again hide another erection. I didn’t think she needed to be aware of this one.
Nodding and then staring up into the cloudless night sky, she said, “Oh, I know all about change. I have an ex who forced it upon us. But in the end I’m so happy it happened, that we ended up here with Becca. I’d allowed myself to become too complacent. And even though it hurt how it went down, I wouldn’t change it now.”
“I imagine ending a long relationship is difficult no matter who makes the first move.”
“You sound like someone who’s never been in one. But that can’t be right; you just told me you’ve been in the service for over twenty years. Surely there was someone.” The skepticism in her tone wasn’t new to me. I’d heard similar from my mother and even my cousins.
“For me, the military has always been first, relationships second. Your sister isn’t married, so it can’t seem so strange for me not to be.”
“She was once. When she was nineteen. She lost him when his unit was hit by a suicide bomber not long after his deployment to Afghanistan during the first few months of the war.”
“That explains a lot. But it’s admirable how she’s dedicated herself to serving her country.”
“You think so? So, you think just because she’s not married now that she doesn’t have someone?” Jaci’s teasing words shook me.
“Wait, you’re saying she has--”
“There’s a man in Colorado Springs. In the beginning, he had no clue about what she did., which I think she liked, you know. It has to be so hard for her being a woman at such a high level in the service. Anyway, they started out as just a weekend hookup, but it didn’t take. They’ve been together for about nine years now. It works for them, I guess. And if you breathe a word of this, I’ll be forced to do something drastic.”
Yeah, not gonna lie, my dick perked up at the softly veiled threat. Would she yell and refuse to speak to me again if I shared this intel, or would she do something more? I’d love to see what she looked like all riled up, a little out of control and….
“Um, Rafe. You still with me over there? Wait, don’t tell me you’ve been pining for my sister all this time? If you do, I’ll throwone of my boots at you.” Jaci’s lips twitched, her eyes bright with merriment.
Well, shit, I was so not going to follow those damn rules I’d made for myself, was I?
“Do I look like a man who would pine for anyone? Or do I look like someone who’d take what he wanted, lay everything out there so the woman I wanted knew exactly how much I wanted her?” I never spoke without thinking, but this time, this woman had triggered something in me.
Her audible gasp almost had me jumping over the railing and doing exactly that. But now wasn’t the time or place. We both needed sleep, and decisions made under the stars on a moonlight night needed to percolate a bit longer. She had a kid to think about, and I had just over a couple of weeks before we’d never see each other again.
Jaci recovered quickly and burst out laughing before she slapped a hand over mouth. Duchess woke up from her snooze and let out a soft “woof” and, upon seeing we were both okay, settled back down. “Sorry. You just sounded as if you meant me instead of it being a joke? I mean you were just joking, right?” Her question almost sounded as if the opposite were true.
Her laughter initially bruised my ego, but with her repeated question and her voice sounding all breathy, hopeful—I knew. I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her.
“I think you know the answer to that, Jaci. But for now, I’ll say goodnight. Life rarely moves this fast for me, and I’m guessing for you either. What’s happening here doesn’t just affect the two of us.Bollocks, that sounds corny, but I don’t sneak around. It’s just that we need to think about Simon. And your sister.”
“So, you’re not joking?” Jaci blinked slowly, her hands now back in her lap, fingers twisting once again.
She really had no idea what those long, delicate fingers did to my nervous system, did she? “When I had you in my arms earlier today, did it feel like a joke then? I can guarantee that my body’s response to you was, is, very serious.” I didn’t intend to growl as I spoke, but damn, she affected me on a primal level. And if it weren’t so damn cold out, and the threat of being interrupted weren’t a possibility, I’d gladly describe how I’d peel off each article of clothing and worship her curvy body exactly where she sat.
CHAPTER SIX
