She continued to slow blink at me, intermittently rubbing her soft fur against my skin. Maybe that wasn’t true anymore. Perhaps I’d grown a little bit softer.
With caution, I reached for her, tentatively scratching her behind the ears. She purred with pleasure.
“Do you have any idea what you have done?” I whispered to the cat, feeling a little foolish for speaking to an animal. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have met him.”
Suddenly, I was fighting tears. “I would’ve met him on the stand and wouldn’t have thought twice about him.”
There was something about that first moment we shared in the library. Something about how he’d tried to help me, butdidn’t force himself on me. He was patient, and maybe a little entertained by my stubbornness.
I had thought I’d hated him, but it was only because he made me feel again.
Tears started to slide down my face as I continued to stroke the stupid cat. The stupid, lovely, fateful cat.
“I didn’t want this,” I muttered to her. “I never wanted to—” I cut myself off, the words on the tip of my tongue.
Fall in love.
I wasn’t in love with Graham. I couldn’t be.
My hand dropped from Calliope, and she blinked at me again, like she knew everything I wasn’t saying.
I wiped my face just as Mara appeared around the edge of the stacks, holding a paper cup.
“There’s still some hot chocolate left from the meeting tonight,” she said gently, her voice soft. “Thought you might want something warm while you wait.”
I didn’t want it. My stomach still felt twisted and tight.
But something warm sounded…nice. Something grounding to hold between my hands.
“Thanks,” I murmured, taking the cup.
It didn’t smell anything like Raleigh’s—no fresh cream or deep, rich chocolate. It was darker and thin. When I took a sip, it was way too sweet, but it almost had a bitter quality underneath. It wasn’t exactly pleasant, but it spread warmth through my cold limbs.
Mara slid into the chair across from me, petting Calliope absently while her focus remained on me.
The silence stretched for a long time. Minutes passed by, and I sipped my drink, mind whirring with everything I couldn’t say out loud.
I didn’t try to fill it as Mara remained. I didn’t mean to ignore her, but I didn’t have the capacity to engage with her.
My hot chocolate was almost gone when she finally spoke, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Is everything okay?” Mara asked.
I held a mouthful of lukewarm liquid before swallowing it. “Yes.”
“I hope you’re not upset with Graham,” she continued, watching me take yet another gulp so I didn’t have to answer right away.
“Why would I be mad at him?” The question genuinely confused me.
Mara hummed. “Well, because you’re not very nice, are you?”
I almost choked on my last mouthful of hot chocolate. I coughed into my elbow, eyes watering. “Excuse me?” I was almost convinced I’d heard her wrong.
Calliope butted her head against Mara’s arm, and she stroked the cat with stiff, almost mechanical movements.
Maybe I’d been imagining it, the way her stare seemed to harden when she looked at me. I was feeling a bit off, anyway. My limbs felt oddly heavy, but I was probably just tired. I was crashing from all the adrenaline and emotion. Everything was catching up with me all at once.
“You know,” Mara continued, ignoring me, “when you first showed up, I didn’t expect you to stay.”
