Memories from the past swirled in Jaak’s mind, crystallizing into bloodstained images.
“It’s the greatest irony in life, Jaak. When you love someone—-”
The words began to hammer into Jaak’s brain, and his heart began to pump fast.
“You give that person absolute power over you—-”
Too goddamn fast, almost like it only had minutes left to beat—-
“Even if that person doesn’t love you back.”
The truth in Willem’s words crashed down on Jaak, and he stumbled back.
“You know how I fucked up with Sere,” Willem said quietly. “The whole fucking world knows, and it’s even documented. But none of you know the worst of it. None of you—-” Willem breathed hard. “None of you know how I entrusted Seri to her family, and it allowed Shane to beat her up—-”
Jaak sucked hard at the look of devastation on his brother’s face.
“They nearly crippled her, fucking broke her ribs.” Willem lifted his pain-ravaged gaze to his brother. “Do you think those memories don’t eat at me every night?”
Willem dragged breath into his lungs.
“They do, Jaak. Every damn second. But I can’t – don’t – let it stop me from going to her because she loves me. And for as long as Serenity wants me to love her, then I will. I don’t give a damn if people think I’m too old for her or that I don’t deserve her. It’s only what she wants that matters. So if she loves me, and she wants me to love her, I’m not fucking complaining.
“When I look at you, Jaak – didn’t you ever think that it would be the same for me? That I would think I failed you, too?”
Jaak blanched. Such a thought had never occurred to him because in his eyes – in all his younger siblings’ eyes – Willem had been perfect.
But seeing the bleakness in Willem’s eyes told him he should have.
And he would have, if he hadn’t been so damn blinded by his own weaknesses.
“You were never to blame,” Jaak said fiercely. “You let our father beat you up, for fuck’s sake.”
“But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking aboutyou.”
Jaak jerked.
“I keep asking myself if there was something I could have said or done differently, some way I could have helped you to keep you from losing it—-”
“Bullshit,”Jaak snapped.
Willem smiled grimly. “Exactly, Jaak. If you think blaming myself for what happened to you is bullshit, then accept thatyou blaming yourself for what happened in the past is the same fucking piece of bull.”
Ah.
“If you love her—-”
“And she wants you to love her—-”
“Then, goddammit, Jaak,love her.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Valentine’s Day dawned bright and clear for those who could see Mokkum’s perfect blue skies, and since it fell on a Saturday, Ilse had the rare chance to take Jan out. Even better, Erik had actually invited both of them on a Valentine’s trip, saying that he didn’t want to be out of town on the day everyone in the world celebrated being in love.
“Are you ready?” Erik asked cheerfully, popping his head into Ilse’s bedroom. Over a week had passed since Ilse and Jan had showed up unannounced on his front door. One look at her tear-stained face, and he hadn’t even cared to ask questions.
He had let her in, saying simply that they could stay with him for as long as they wanted. The offer had always been there, actually. It was only that Ilse had been so afraid of becoming weak again that she had struggled hard to provide for herself and Jan on her own.
