“Just a few steps away. He’s waiting for you by the front door.”
A faint flowery fragrance reached her as they continued to take baby steps towards the house, and Ilse tried to familiarize herself with the scent, knowing that it was coming from their own garden. Scent was a sign of life, and she needed all of these signs to remember that she was alive even when her world felt dead.
“We’re here.” She stilled, and the billionaire’s hands settled on her shoulders as he turned her slightly to the left.
“Welcome back, Ilse!”
Jan’s familiar voice was another sign of life, and her lips curved in a genuine smile. “Jan.I missed you, Jan.” She raised her hand to reach for his face, and he started to laugh when she almost ended up shoving her fingers up his nostrils.
Her smile widened even as she pinched his chubby cheeks. “Stop laughing.”
Jan began to talk, and she breathed a sigh of relief even as she hated herself for wanting the lies and pretenses to continue.
When they made it to the living room, with Ilse seating herself on the couch while Jan paused for breath, the billionairemurmured, “Will you be okay if I leave you with Jan for a moment?”
No. We both know I’m not okay. We both know we’re not okay.
But because she was weak, she only made herself smile again. “Of course.” Her tone was light and teasing, and it was an even bigger lie. “How many times do I have to tell you? My world doesn’t revolve around you,mijnheer.” And while this used to be the truth, it was now the biggest lie of all.
“I just need to get some work done.”
“Of course.”
Silence.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m okay.” But her voice caught, and she heard the billionaire inhale sharply.
She felt him crouching in front of her. “Ilse—-”
She turned her face towards his voice. “I’m okay.”But she was not.“We’re okay.”But they were not.“R-right?”
The billionaire gripped her hands. “Absolutely.” But they both knew they were lying, had been lying from the start.
The only thing they didn’t know was when the lies would end.
The billionaire’s hands slowly loosened its hold on her, and she had the craziest urge to snatch them back.Don’t leave me.
“I’m going now, alright?”
“Alright.”Please don’t leave me.
But he still did.
The hours passed, and when Jan asked her if the billionaire would join them for dinner, Ilse made herself shrug, saying lightly, “He’s very busy with work, I’m afraid.”
“But I want to talk to him about the dog he promised me.”
“Maybe tomorrow, so don’t wait up for him, okay?” Wise words coming from her, but by the time Jan guided her to the bedroom she shared with the billionaire, she ended up ignoring her own advice and waited up for him.
Leaving the door ajar so she could hear his footsteps coming up, Ilse fumbled her way to her writing desk and pulling the drawer open, she took out one of her pens and a blank sheet of paper.
Time continued to crawl past her, and Ilse kept herself awake by writing blindly. She would show it to Jaak later, and she would ask him if it was still legible. Hopefully, it would make him laugh. Hopefully it would lead them to doing other things that involved getting naked.
Hopefully.
Ilse knew she was being foolish and desperate, but she also knew she had nothing to lose. Sex could make them reconnect. Sex could give them the courage to stop lying. Sex could—-
