And that was when she realized that it wasn’t about ten-year-old boys in general.
“Oh, Jaak.” It was abouthistenth year.
That year when Willem had almost died in their father’s hands—-
“Congratulations for figuring it out.” The billionaire’s lazy drawl was at odds with the tension that had possessed his body the moment she spoke.
“Was this,” she whispered, “where you were when it happened?”
His laugh was humorless, and his voice, when he replied, filled with self-contempt. “You make it sound so damn innocuous, but we both know I failed a lot of people that time.”
“Jaak—-”
“I wasn’t here playing polo when my father started acting like Willem was his personal punching bag.” The billionaire’s tone hardened with each word. “I was herelosing my virginity.”
“I see.” Ilse’s tone came out unusually lame, but she couldn’t help it. She was sincerely at a loss, unable to comprehend how boys that young could actually have sex. And that it would actually happenhere—-
She looked around her. “Where, umm, exactly—-”
He cut her off, saying shortly, “I’d say we’re in the vicinity.”
“Right.”Vicinity,Ilse thought blankly. They were in the vicinity. And since they were right in the center of the sports club’s polo field, didn’t being in the vicinity mean the ten-year-old Jaak had lost his virginity...here?
She looked around again, and afterwards, all she could do was glance back at the billionaire, saying, “Really?” Hereallyhad sex here...atten?
“She was my riding tutor.”
“REALLY?”
“Ah, Ilse.” A slight laugh accompanied his words, but the sound didn’t ring completely true. “Shouldn’t we be focusing on the fact that I was too busyfuckingwhile my father was beating Willem up?”
Oh, Jaak.A part of her was shocked at how sentimental she had become ever since the billionaire had come to her life, but a part of her just felt that it was entirely natural. If he was hurt, she was hurt, too, and she would do everything possible to make him feel better.
“I feel for Willem, Jaak. I really do, but...” Her shoulders moved in a helpless shrug. “He has Sere now, and they’re at a good place—-”
“As they deserve to be,” Jaak said quietly. “They’re good people.”
Unlike him,Ilse mentally finished. The billionaire might not have spoken the words out loud, but she heard them loud and clear, and it hurt because he was hurting more and more.
“You’re good, too, Jaak.” And no longer able to help it, she shakily reached up to cup his face. “And I know this is going to sound disloyal, but I have to take your family’s side on this one.”
“Ilse—-”
But she didn’t let him finish speaking. “Weallthink you’re a good person, Jaak.” His entire face became rigid, and she had to swallow past the lump that had formed in her throat at the sight of it. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for that night. You need to forgive yourself—-”
“You’re not seeing it objectively—-”
“If anyone’s being blind and subjective here,” Ilse interrupted shakily, “then that can’t be anyone else but you. It’s been two decades, Jaak, and you’re still looking at that night like you’re still ten.” Her hands dropped from his face as his face whitened, but even knowing that she might have already said too much, she just couldn’t stop.
Even if it meant she would risk losing him all over again because she had spoken the truth, she would rather have that than not try her best to heal him.
“You cut yourself off from your family to punish yourself for an imaginary sin, and you worked blood, sweat, and tears to make your own fortune, just so you wouldn’t have to spend any of the money that you had inherited because you were your parents’ son.
“When Willem had to leave for Greece to go after Sere, you quietly took the reins so the board wouldn’t mind his absence. When Ayah lost her baby, you helped Nic pick up the pieces. When Anneke’s marriage broke down, you were the first one to fly to her side. And when Fleur was too afraid to tell anyone about her depression, you were there—-”
“Stop.” The billionaire didn’t know whether he should laugh or kiss her hard. When Ilse opened her mouth as if to argue, he shook his head, muttering, “For the love of God,stop.” A hoarse laugh escaped him, and this time the sound was beautiful.
And so Ilse did stop because she could also feel it.
