She turned to him, big brown eyes questioning, and he could feel his hands getting clammy.It was happening again, Issac thought numbly.
He was drowning in her eyes—-
“Mr. Bakker?” Ilse blinked in visible bemusement, breaking the spell, and Issac cleared his throat.
“Issac,” he said when he finally recovered his voice. “It’s weird if you call me Mr. Bakker. Makes me feel like I’m my dad.”
Her lips curved, and she said obediently, “Issac it is then—-” Humor twinkled in her eyes. “But only because the tour’s ended and I’m no longer your guide.”
Silence fell between them, and Issac’s mind became blank, all the words he had mentally rehearsed disappearing.
“Are you okay, Issac?”
Ah.The familiar words struck him with a pang, and Issac thought,She had always asked him that.
He saw the genuine concern in her eyes, and he realized it was more than that.
And he remembered.
And he regretted.
She had always asked, and she had always meant it.
Unlike him.
“When we were sixteen,” Issac heard himself say, “there was something I couldn’t make myself say to you. I was young and stupid at that time, and I told myself I couldn’t say just anything to you because it wasn’t the right time. Because I couldn’t find the right word—-” Issac swallowed hard. “I took it as a sign that I should wait.”
When Ilse’s eyes become veiled, Issac already knew that nothing would come out of what he was about to do. But even so, he also knew he had to do it.
“I know it’s too late,” Ilse said tightly. “I know it’s my fault, but I also know I have to say this—-” He choked off, and for one moment he was filled with bitterness—-
God, he had been such a fucking wimp.
“It’s okay, Issac—-”
It hurt to hear Ilse speaking to him so gently, even when he didn’t deserve it, and he shook his head jerkily. “I have to say this, and you need to hear this.”
She started to speak, but he didn’t let her. “Ineedto say this.” He had to get the words out now, before he lost his courage all over again.
“Issac, you don’t—-”
“You were my first love, Ilse Muir.”
For one moment, there was just heart-wrenching silence.
For one damn moment, he almost considered letting himself hope.
For one damn moment...until he heard her whisper in a stricken tone, “Why are you telling me thisnow?”
And he knew he had to accept that he really was too late, and there would never be a next time.
“I still remember how I felt when I first saw you, you know.”
“Oh, Issac.” Ilse shook her head helplessly, not knowing what to say. This was an Issac that she didn’t seem to know at all. “We werefive—-”
“Five is old enough to know the difference between love and hate, and—-” His lips twisted in a self-mocking smile. “Let’s just say I didn’t hate you, and everyone knew it. Everyone probably thought we would end up together.”
And once upon a time,Ilse thought painfully,she had thought the same.
