Reaching up, I pluck what I need from the shelf. My heart is pounding loud enough to block out whatever song is playing through the speakers up ahead.
How can such a small box be so expensive? My fingers run against the lettering before I read the words on the back.
My sister doesn’t ask me any of the questions I expect her to flood me with. I feel her eyes burning into my back, but I don’t look to confirm.
She’s mad. I can feel it.
Clutching the box, I’m thankful for the self-checkout. No strange stares, no uncomfortable chats. Just a plastic bag that feels like it weighs down my fingers as I leave the store.
We don’t get the protein chips. We should’ve looked at those first.
Once it starts sprinkling, all I have to listen to is thewhooshof the wipers and the tap of her thumb. I don’t have the strength to turn on the radio, not after she purposely shut it off once we got back inside.
Is she not going to ask? Do I want her to?
After holding these thoughts inside for two days now, I need some way to let them out.
A tiny part of me wants her to ask, so that I can get a little relief.
It’s been scary keeping it all to myself.
Making it back to the small home, she shuts off the car. I finally look at her, and I see the pain on her face. Not rage, but pain.
It’s because Ididn’ttell her.
I wanted to, I did. But…
The silence irritates her, and she covers the hurt with a scowl.
She’s the one to snatch the bag from my lap, leaving the car and storming inside of the house, leaving me behind.
I’m really glad the house is empty today. She’s going to need time to cool down.
Following after her, I try to shove down the emotions rising in my chest.
“Raven.” Barely getting her name out, I watch as she yanks at the thin plastic, easily tearing into it.
“Let’s start with the obvious question.” Yanking out the box, she slaps it down on the kitchen island. “Why do you need this? No,whomade you need it?”
This is not going to end well. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked her to drive. I could’ve walked. Maybe.
Even if she’s not going to like the truth, she’ll have to accept it. What happened, happened.
“Joy took you out to have fun.” Stating the obvious, my mouth twitches into an almost smile. Their attempted mother-daughter bonding experience was a success. She came home with a smile. Not a fake one when it comes to all the foster parents who take us in, but a real one. “I, um, had a little fun myself.”
Fun? Is that the right word?
Her anger doesn’t grow smaller, but her patience does. She waits, staring at me to continue.
“Dale said if you guys were allowed to have a good time, then we should, too.” Repeating his words, my stomach clenches like I want to throw up again. There’s nothing left in my stomach.
“Penelope…” Less anger, more of something else. Pity? Concern?
“He wanted to celebrate our birthday early, that’s what started the conversation.” My lips tremble, but I keep my eyes on the box. I want to pinch them shut, but every time I do,I remember. “Joy would’ve scolded him if she found out that he bought me alcohol, that’s why he didn’t want to save any for you. He wanted it to be a secret, just for us.”
Her eyes go wide, and I hate the way she’s looking at me. This is why I didn’t want to tell her.
“I don’t know what kind it was. The bottle was really pretty, but the taste was awful. He said he bought it because it reminded him of me.” I swallow thickly, and my throat suddenly feels tight. “Not wanting to disappoint him, I drank it. One after another until it stopped tasting bad.”
