"It's fine," I said. "Sylis doesn't have the code."
"And you shouldn't be here anymore!"
I patted the air, calming him down so he wouldn't yell. "Neither of us should be, but that's the way it is."
He finished portioning his oversized meal between the two bowls, then sank into his usual chair. "I don't know what to do anymore. I thought I had it all figured out, and now we're right back where we started, Callah. Except worse! I have to go out there and either kill or be killed, and I..."
"So you carry the bags, or lead the women," I told him. "I know it's not good, but it's better, right?"
"Not the women," he admitted. "I..."
"They'll be married, they'll have children, and they'll get the same lives we do," I said, hoping to soothe him. "It could be worse. They're alive at least."
"Yeah..." But he dropped his spoon into the bowl. "I'm not sure that really counts. Women shouldn't be abused like that." His jaw clenched hard enough to make a muscle stand out along the side. "Yes, I said it. What they do to you is abuse.The punishment is too much. The copulation isn't always for children. The thrill men get from hurting their wives is..."
"Horrific," I offered. "I know, Tobias. But you aren't like them. I'm not either. We're trying to survive the horrors. To do that, we have to pick the least bad thing, and it's okay to hate it. It's good to hate it, but you still have to survive, becauseIam counting on you."
He nodded slowly, accepting that. "Yeah, I know." Then he picked up his spoon again. "So, what does Felicity think about Sylis?"
"She thinks he doesn't want to marry her."
"He doesn't," Tobias agreed, looking relieved to have a safe subject. "He says she'll make a good wife, though. She's brazen and bold, so he won't be worried he's cruel to her without knowing he'll hear about it."
I chuckled. "She'll like that. She's been worried that if she scares him off, she'll end up with someone worse."
"No, he intends to propose," Tobias assured me. "He was hoping you'd check with her to see what she thinks first."
"I think she'll accept," I said. "They aren't friends, but if he gives her the same freedom you do with me? I think they could be. It's just hard for us to trust men. We've seen how often a moment of trust is used against us later."
"I just..." He grunted. "Never mind."
"No, what?" I begged.
He looked up, those amazing hazel eyes of his finding mine. "You are mywife, Callah. Maybe we're lawfully wedded friends, but you are still my wife in the eyes of God. I made a promise to care for you, and causing you pain? That doesn't seem like caring."
"But the rules are different for men and women," I reminded him.
"No," he said. "The rules are for the lesser. Women are less than men. Young men are less than old. Fungus farmers are less than hunters. It's all about who's below us, and sitting at the very top are the elders."
"Yeah."
"And as long as they convince us to turn on those weaker than us, there's no one looking up at them. There won't be anyone joining together to make them suffer for what they've done to us. Callah, most men aren't good, but some are. Sylis and I aren't the only ones who see the faults with our system."
"Then do something," I told him.
"But what?" he asked. "See, if you misbehave, as your husband, I'm supposed to punish you. I won't, but that's a layer of protection you have. Women? If they misbehave, their husbands will use the rod. They might get bruises or broken skin. When a hunter misbehaves? He doesn't come home. Pain is bad, but death is worse, and our risk isalwaysdeath."
"Even when you're inside?" I asked.
He nodded. "They'll remember. A stray shot is easy to explain in the chaos that happens. One more problem gone, right? That's why I have to be so careful. I don't want to die and leave you trapped here. They will force you to marry someone else, and now that you've proven you're an obedient wife? Who will your next husband be, Callah? If you can't get out, then what?"
"And yet I want you to be careful out there for yourself. I will make sure I'm okay, but I want you here with me."
"Yeah?" Hope filled his expression.
I nodded. "Yeah. I can barely remember Ayla's face, Tobias. Meri? I don't know if she's still alive. She should've had her baby by now, and if the worst happened?" I reached across the table, clasping his free hand. "We are all we have."
"I'll come back," he promised. "I'll make sure of it."
