Which made him grunt. Immediately, I tensed, but Drozel lifted a hand, making it clear he wasn't upset. "Meri, do you want to live with Lessa?"
"Lessa has been very nice to me," I hurried to say. "And I'm excited about sewing again!"
"But you skipped right over the living there part," he told me, making it clear he'd noticed my evasion. "You also just shrank about three inches in that chair, and you did the big-eyes thing again. So, why don't you want to live with Lessa?"
"I... But... No, she's nice!"
"But?" he pressed.
My hands were clutched in my lap now. I hadn't even realized I was doing it, but now that Drozel had said something, I was hyperaware of the way I felt like I needed to pull into myself.
"I just got used to being here," I said. "I know where all the things are, and when the sounds are from you or Omden - but I don't want to be in the way!"
"You," he nearly snarled, "arenotin the way."
"Yes, sir!" I squeaked.
He slung his head away with a little growl of frustration. "Dammit, I'm doing it again."
"Doing what, Drozel?"
"Being too loud." And he pulled in a breath, pushing it out slowly right after. "Merienne, you are not in the way. You're also welcome to stay here, but I thought..." He slowly looked over at me again, and I realized his eyes were the same green as the scales on his ribs. Olive was the word for fabric that color. "I thought you'd be scared, being stuck here with me."
And the smallest giggle slipped out. "Sometimes, but it only lasts for a second. You get loud, and I wait for you to get mad, but you never do. I also don't think you'll hit me."
That growl immediately came back. "I will hit any man who tries. I'll sting them if they even try to hurt you - or anyone I care about!"
And I flinched again, but a smile took over when his words registered. "See?" I said. "I'm used to loud men being angry. You get angry, but notatme."
"Never at you," he promised. "Well, not that way. I mean, Omden and I fight, but those are disagreements, and we sort them out with words, not fists."
"Jeera and Brielle weren't like that," I explained. "They whispered to argue. I don't think women get loud like that."
"Some do," he said, flicking a finger toward Lessa's house next door.
"I know," I said. "And I don't mind it. Ayla gets loud too."
"Ayla?" Disbelief poured off that one word.
I nodded. "She would throw her hands around and rant about the things she didn't like. When we were alone, I mean. Never where she'd get us in trouble or anything."
And he sighed. "I can't even imagine the shit you've been through, Meri. I'm trying, but I can't wrap my mind around abusing the person I was supposed to care about like that. I also know all the men down there were like that, and trust me, Zasen and Kanik told me all about how scared Ayla was of them. So, if you want to stay with Lessa, she has room now."
"I..." I paused to lick my lips. "I suppose I could move there."
"And you just did the small thing again," he said, but this time he leaned in with a smile. "Care to share why? I thought she was your friend?"
"She is!" I hurried to say. "It's just... Drozel, she's been coming to check on me a lot lately. And she's so nice about it. I feel like I'm going to mess up somehow and make her hate me. If I lived with her, I'd feel like thatallthe time. And my heart slams into my ribs so hard when she's here. I think it's because I know Ishould be working, and I'm not, but she offered me a place when she didn't have to. I'm grateful for that, and I love sewing with her, but it feels..."
I just didn't have the words for how it felt. Not the right ones! I wanted to say it was too fast. I wanted to tell him I didn't want to rush into something, but those were the things I'd said when about to be married. That had been a big change in my life. One I'd thought I'd wanted, and now? Well, I thought spending more time with Lessa would be amazing, but I was also scared of that feeling too.
"It's stupid," I mumbled.
"Nah," he said. "Meri, I'm usually good at being stupid. Trust me, my friends make sure I know it. This? I think this is you trying to be a little too nice." Then he tapped his chest. "But this is me, the not-nice one, remember? How about you help me out a little, and lay it all out there for me?"
"It doesn't make sense," I admitted. "The thought of living with Lessa? It makes me both happy and terrified. Even thinking about it feels like when I was about to marry Gideon - and that makes no sense!"
He tilted his head and murmured. "I dunno..."
