Very handsome, very muscular, and very sweet friends.
For the first time in my life, I could understand the way Meri had gushed about Gideon, back before he'd become an asshole. I hadn't even known that word at the time, but it was the perfect way to describe him, and yet, Meri had been so giddy about getting his attention.
Now, Zasen, Rymar, and Kanik gave me theirs. It wasn't that different from before, but those little things they were now allowed to do? They made me feel silly and stupid - but in a good way. Having Zasen wrap his hand around my waist as he moved past me? Feeling Kanik move my hair over my shoulder when he spoke to me? The way Rymar had taken to kissing my fingers every morning when he first saw me, and every night before I retired to bed?
This was everything I'd hoped for. It was all the romance from those books I'd thought were fantasy, but now I knew better. Up here, women really could have it all. I felt like I did! It was the Moles who twisted things, turning the best parts of life into something to fear.
And I was done with being scared.
Zasen had taught me how to fight. Kanik had taught me how to speak. Rymar had taught me how to trust. Combined, I felt as strong as any man in the compound. Of course, that was nothing like the men up here, but it was because they were better. More handsome, brighter-colored, and kind in a way I'd thought was impossible for men.
And while I liked their kindness the most, over the last few days, I'd become fixated on the other parts. I couldn't get enough of how Kanik scrunched up his face when he thought too hard. I liked the way Zasen's muscles flexed every single time he moved. Rymar was weird, though.
His colors were hypnotic. His muscles were smaller than Zasen's, but defined in a way that made me want to feel them. His face? If he'd been tailless, it would've been easier to call him the most attractive man I'd ever seen, but the addition of the brilliant colors over his perfect features made him feel almost unreal.
Then there were those brilliant turquoise eyes of his. They stood out, making it impossible to miss when he watched me walk across the room. Usually, that was with a gentle smile that made my mouth do the same. Over the last few days, his gaze had started to crawl across my body, usually followed by a comment about my outfit looking nice, but it felt like more.
The kind of more I liked. The kind I'd thought I'd never want. The sort that still felt shameful, but shame was just a sort of fear, and I refused to give it any more power. Maybe that made me abrazen woman, but Ilikedbeing this way. I finally felt like I was being true to myself.
Heading into the kitchen, I opened the pantry and began to rummage inside. Kanik would need lunch soon, and the guys always lost track of time. But without food, he wouldn't get stronger, and he'd only just been allowed out of bed. He was still restricted from lifting anything heavy or stretching, so I wanted to make sure he kept progressing.
I'd just found a loaf of bread wrapped in thin cloth on a lower shelf when a man chuckled behind me. I was bent over, a somewhat indecent position, but my pants showed my rump no matter how I stood. So, trying to figure out what was amusing, I glanced back to find Rymar with his tail swishing wickedly.
"What?" I asked, standing straight.
"I was just wondering if touching you would get me slapped." And he flicked his brow ridges up playfully.
I rolled my eyes at him and headed for the counter across the room. "Maybe if you startled me."
"I was talking about how you slapped Zasen that first day," he reminded me.
"Second," I corrected. "And I know, but I couldn't understand him back then, and I didn't know anything." I put the bread on the cutting block, and turned to face him. "I'm also not scared of men anymore."
"No, you are not," he agreed, shifting closer. "But I wanted to talk to you about something." And he flicked the heavy golden necklace I now wore constantly.
"About my torc?"
"Sort of," he admitted. "Ayla, usually when a family is formed..." He paused, grunting to show that wasn't right. "Okay. Let me start again. Usually, families form a little at a time. A man and a woman, another man, another woman, or whateverarrangement they want. Us being friends and then shifting that into a family? It's a lot less common."
"Oh. Is that wrong?"
"Nope," he promised, "just surprising. But, when it happens, and the token is accepted? Most people have a celebration of sorts to let their friends and relatives know."
My hand unconsciously lifted to caress the circle that held his sign. "So they can see it?"
"So they know this thing between us is happening," he clarified. "So they can set their expectations, I guess? So we can brag about it? I'm not really sure why, but most of us invite people over and then show off the tokens."
"Should I get all of you a token first?" I asked.
"No," he said around a laugh. "That would be a mess, and you'd have to get three. No, as long as a token is accepted, it counts. You accepted it, and I'd like to brag about it."
I nodded quickly. "Okay, when? And maybe I can have Saveah there so I can brag too?"
"I expected she would be," he assured me. "My parents, maybe Kanik's? But then we get to the problem."
"Why is there a problem?"
"Because Zasen would like his mother and sister to be there. I would think you'd want to invite Meri, but Jeera would bring the baby..."
