"Well," he said, "you were about to say you're falling in love with her - which is not a secret, so you know. I am going to reassure you that you might have a chance."
"I'm more worried about if I even do," I said. "Ommy, Meri doesn't get it. That's what I was talking to Zasen about. Those girls don't realize attraction is even a thing. They live scared. Marriage is traumatic, and men are cruel. There are no other options, so desiring someone? She's never done it."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"She lived with three girls in her room," I hissed as we stepped inside. "If she was into women, then she would've noticed they were pretty - or not."
"Or," he said, "she saw them as sisters. Girls she grew up with, who she was too close to, so she couldn't see them sexually. Women who became her family in a world where they were the only safe people around her. I mean, did you know the other girls would tell their matron lady if someone broke a rule?"
"Really?"
He nodded. "Because the punishment for not saying anything was worse. They all knew it, they all understood it, and they all pulled inward because of it."
"Fuck," I breathed, dropping onto the corner of the couch. "So what am I supposed to do?"
He took the spot beside me, angled to face me. "You let me help, Less. See, I've already talked to Droz. He thinks it's cute that you have a crush on her, so that's not a problem."
And I groaned. "I didn't even think about asking him."
Omden patted my knee. "I know. We also know you're not a 'relationship' sort of person. We are. That's why you and Drozel work. I get to stick my nose in the middle and make sure of it. And trust me, this is definitely working for me. The more you wear him out, the more I get to cuddle with him."
"Which works for all of us," I joked.
But he nodded. "It really does. So, keep doing what you're doing. I'll talk to Meri and see if she's horrified by the idea. I'm sure she'll have a ton of questions, but you know what? She's stuck doing nothing for a few more weeks. Naomi wants six. Meri's so frail it's going to take her a bit to completely heal from this, and that's a long time for a girl who's never had a day off in her life."
"Okay," I said. "But do you think it'd be okay if I go check on her?"
He gestured up the hall. "Go. She's been asking about you. I told her you've been working a lot."
"I have," I admitted even as I stood. "I haven't had my apprentice around to help me stay ahead."
"Tell her that," he insisted. "I'll make sure she heals, you give her something to heal for, and Drozel can work on making her fat. In the middle, we'll make sure she knows it's okay to kiss girls if she's into that."
"This," I said, "is a plan I can get behind."
"Which is why I like you," he teased. "You know I'm the smart one here."
So I lifted my middle finger back at him and headed for Meri's room. "That's not what I said, Ommy."
"Still true," he called after me, making sure I had a smile on my face when I slipped into Meri's room.
Twelve
Meri
Iheard the door click. Sucking in a breath, I pulled myself awake and forced my eyes to open. There, walking quietly around the foot of my borrowed bed, was Lessa. Her tawny tail was down, her hair was up, and her clothes were just as vibrant as always.
A smile found my lips as I rolled onto my back and scooted higher onto the pillows. "Hello, Lessa," I said, the words coming out mumbled.
"Hey, Meri," she cooed back, moving to my side so she could crouch down. That put us face to face. "How are you feeling?"
"Always tired," I admitted.
"Because you've been burning fumes for a few months now," she said. "But Omden says you're healing nicely."
I murmured, pushing myself up a little more so I was truly sitting. Then I smoothed the blankets over my lap, aware I was wearing that old shirt of Drozel's again. It was soft, and I liked it, but this wasn't proper sleep clothing.
"Omden's doing laundry," I explained. "I only have the one night dress now. The other one is too big."
