And I buried my head in his chest. "What if I never want to have babies?"
"I'm..." He chuckled. "Ayla, I'm actually hoping for that. Rymar and I would be happy as uncles to Saveah's kids, spoiling them rotten and then sending them home. Zasen? I don't know. He doesn't talk about it as much, but he has Cerlik to spoil now too."
"You don't want kids?" I asked.
"I'm not a fan of babies," he admitted. "Oh, I'm sure my own would be different. And by mine, I mean a child from this partnership." His hand paused on both my jaw and neck,holding my face to his. "What I'm saying, Ayla, is that I want you, as you are, with absolutely no conditions."
I only knew one way to respond to that. Leaning in, I pressed my mouth to his. It was what I'd wanted to do anyway, and why I'd even brought the subject up. I wanted to kiss him, and touch him. I enjoyed being close to him, but I felt like there had to be some kind of catch.
My life here was too good.
Kanik's mouth gave to mine, and he murmured deep in his throat. The arm I was lying on curled, pulling my chest up against his. His other hand slid into my now loose hair, grabbing a fistful of it at the back of my head - but I wasn't afraid. I liked how that felt, as if I'd just given him power over me. But at the same time, the way he moved, the sounds he made, and the desperation of his kisses made me feel like I had just as much over him.
Our mouths moved. Our tongues touched, swirled, and teased each other. I could feel the heat of his body through the soft fabric I was wearing, but it wasn't enough. Now that I knew what came next, I wanted more. I wanted that rush of passion. I needed to feel this man even closer.
I just wanted him.
So I pulled, trying to make that happen. Surprisingly, Kanik obeyed. Without breaking our kiss, he shifted, rolling me onto my back and leaning over me. The hand in my hair moved to hold him up, above me, and his mouth began to slide lower.
"Kanik?" I begged.
He kissed the base of my throat and paused. "Mm?"
"I..." They still hadn't told me how to ask, but I was going to try anyway. "Zasen did a thing. He kissed me, and it was good, and - "
"I can do that too," he said, his voice turning deeper and sultry in a way I hadn't expected.
It made my pulse drop lower and my breasts felt different. Tender almost. Definitely neglected, but that wasn't quite what I'd been hoping for.
"I thought maybe, since I can just be me, that it might be okay if we... you know?"
"If we what?" he asked.
My face was quickly heating up, and my answer came out as the softest, most embarrassed whisper. "Sex."
His arm straightened, lifting him away from me. "With me?"
I nodded. "Is that wrong?"
"No, not at all," he promised, dropping back down beside me. "But Ayla, you don't have to. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, but I liked the other thing, and I trust you. I... I mean, everyone says it doesn't hurt that bad."
"It shouldn't hurt at all," he insisted, then grunted. "No, I'm not going to refuse you, Ayla. I'm not an idiot. I also will not hurt you, so if you want this, you get to make it happen, okay?"
"How?" I asked.
"First," he said, letting his eyes slide down my body, "you're going to have to be completely naked. Then, well, I'll show you. But the moment you want to stop, we stop."
I leaned into him again. "I don't want to stop, Kanik." And I kissed him to prove it.
This time, he pulled me closer, being a little less gentle, but I liked it. His kisses were a little harder, maybe even more wild. My mouth, my neck, my jaw, and everything in between. His hands started on either side of my head, but made their way lower, and lower still, until he found the bottom of my shirt.
Then he lifted. I had to lean away to get the cloth over my head, but he kissed me again the moment I was free. Cold air chilled my skin, making me even more aware of my breasts, but he ignored those. Instead, his hands followed my ribs back down, over my hips, and then guided my panties off.
There was a point where I had to stop kissing him to lean, but we made it work, and the moment I was bare, I reached for him. All he was wearing was underwear, but when I hooked my fingers in the waistband, he made a warning noise.
"Gotta lift it away, Ayla," he explained before shoving the blanket down and letting me see exactly what he meant.
