The next day and a half is a blur of domesticity and awkward attempts at figuring out how to just be. Waking up in the nest between Kade and Dustin felt right in a way nothing at Harmony House ever did, but navigating what comes after that initial perfect moment is harder than I expected.
Everything feels new and uncertain, like I'm learning how to exist all over again without the rigid structure that's defined my life for years. At Harmony, every moment was scheduled. Wake up at six, shower at six fifteen, breakfast at seven, chores from eight to noon, lunch at twelve thirty, more chores or classes until dinner at six, lights out at nine. The same routine day after day until it became the only way I knew how to measure time.
Here, there's no schedule. Kade and Dustin move through their morning, comfortable in the freedom to do what they want when they want. Meanwhile, I'm standing in the middle of their bedroom trying to figure out if I'm supposed to get dressed or wait for someone to tell me what to do. The absence of orders feels almost as suffocating as having too many of them.
I am getting better at asking for what I want, though. Letting them know I didn't really prefer peppers in my eggs this morning and that I like the sweet sausages rather than the spicy ones Dustin tried to make felt like a monumental step. Kade just nodded and made a mental note, scraping the peppers off my plate without comment. Dustin grinned and said he'd remember for tomorrow, already planning for my preferences like they matter. There was no punishment for having opinions. No lecture about being grateful for whatever I'm given. Just acceptance of the fact that I'm allowed to like some things and not others.
I find myself gravitating toward whatever room they're in throughout the morning, unable to stand being alone for more than a few minutes at a time. The silence of an empty room makes my skin crawl, bringing back too many memories of isolation. But being near them, hearing their voices and smelling their scents, that makes everything easier. The way Dustin continually checks in on me, making sure I'm okay has me on cloud 9.
Especially after this morning when I stepped into the guest bedroom and nearly had a full panic attack after seeing the full closet of items he bought.
The sheer volume of dresses hanging there, all in my size, all in the colors I mentioned liking, was too much. Too many options, too much money spent, too much everything. My hands started shaking and my breathing got shallow as I stared at the rainbow of fabric, my mind spinning with the impossibility of choosing which one to wear.
Dustin found me standing there frozen and promised me that every time I walked into the bedroom, he'd set something out for me so I wouldn't have to choose. I could just wear whatever he picked and never have to stress about making the wrong decision or disappointing them with my choice. It was a strange compromise but it works.
I guess the whole 'letting my Alphas take care of me' thing isn't part of the lies Harmony House told because it's freeing not having to choose.
Yesterday's deep emerald green made me feel elegant. Today's sapphire blue wrap dress makes my skin look like it's glowing, or at least that's what Dustin said when he laid it out this morning after I showered. Each dress feels like putting on a piece of myself I didn't know was missing, wrapping myself in colors that make me feel like an actual person instead of property.
Sitting at the kitchen table now with both of them, breakfast feels different than it did yesterday. Less terrifying, more like something I might actually get used to. Kade made eggs again this morning, remembering without being asked to leave out the peppers. Dustin added an extra sweet sausage to my plate from his own which is such a small thing, but they matter more than I can explain.
I reach the sausage, stuffing it in my mouth before I can think too much about manners or what's appropriate as the coffee sits untouched beside my plate. It's not really my thing, the bitter taste too harsh even with the cream and sugar Dustin offered. I catch his eye as he sips his own coffee, and I blush at being caught eating so enthusiastically. A smile tugs at my lips anyway, something warm unfurling in my chest at the easy acceptance on his face.
My gaze drifts past him to the window behind his shoulder, taking in the view of the property stretching out farther than I can see. The ranch itself is gorgeous with its sprawling fields and beautiful horses and other livestock I’ve met in passing. Everything about this place speaks of money and resources, of a life I never imagined having access to.
Though, questions keep nagging at me during quiet moments about how they can afford all of this. The expensive horses I've seen in the barn, the shopping trips where price tags didn’t seem to matter, the security system that's more sophisticated than anything I saw at Harmony House…
The darkness surrounding them is probably the answer but I'm not entirely sure I want to know the details. Some things are better left unexplained, at least for now while I'm still figuring out how to breathe without looking over my shoulder for wardens. Besides, whatever they do to make money, they're kind to me. They treat me like I matter. That's more than I can say for anyone else.
Dustin finishes his coffee and looks at me across the table. "What do you want to do today? We can stay in or go see the horses again or take a walk around the property. Whatever you want."
The question should be simple but it makes my stomach clench with anxiety. What do I want? I'm still not used to that question mattering.
"Can I stay with you?" The words come out before I can second-guess them.
Kade frowns and my stomach drops, panic rising fast. Did I ask for too much? Am I being clingy? Should I have just said I'd be fine alone like a normal person?
"I mean, I don't want to be here alone." The words tumble out in a rush as I try to fix whatever I did wrong. "I know you have work or something you need to do. Can I come with you? Is that okay? Please?"
Tears well up in my eyes before I can stop them, the fear of rejection overwhelming every rational thought. They keep telling me that whatever I decide is okay but it feels too easy, like they might be stacking it up to come back at me later.
Kade's expression softens immediately. "Hey, of course you can. Dustin's going to be working on the stalls today so I'm sure he'd love the extra company."
Relief floods through me so fast my head spins. "Thank you."
I stand quickly and gather up their plates before either of them can protest. I need something to do with my hands, giving myself a task the easiest course of action. I move to the sink and turn on the warm water, reaching for the dish soap, the familiar motions of washing dishes grounding me.
"You don't have to..." Kade starts but then stops mid-sentence, the Alpha now a few inches behind me.
I pause, my hands still in the sudsy water. "I'm not doing this because I have to but it's... it feels... I like it." The admission comes out quieter than I intended, like I'm confessing something shameful. "Harmony was mostly bad but I found some comfort in the chores, I guess. Having tasks gave structure to the day and doing them well meant I was less likely to get in trouble. It was one of the few things I had control over."
Kade is quiet for a long moment and I can feel his eyes settling on the back of my head. "So long as you want to do it, I won't stop you. But Dustin is awful at washing the dishes, so you'll have your work cut out for you."
Dustin comes up behind me to drop the glasses in the sink, his chest brushing against my back, the contact sending heat through me. "Actually, Kade is worse. If he ever says he washed the dishes, you'll have to wash them again because he misses spots constantly. He leaves food stuck on the plates half the time. At least I don’t even try."
A giggle escapes before I can stop it, the sound almost foreign to my ears. But it feels good, some part of me finally believing that I’m safe, that this space is mine, that these men… these Alphas…are mine.
Dustin presses a kiss to my forehead, then Kade steps closer on my other side, his lips pressing to the top of my head. My body gets warm from the dual contact, heat spreading through me in a way that has nothing to do with the hot water running over my hands.
