“It doesn’t, Blair,” Piper says gently. “I promise.”
I shake my head. “I had a feeling it was him, Piper. I thought it was Travis for a long time, and secretly, I had hoped.”
Not that anything would ever come of it.
“He could still be a scent match. Hell, you could have ten matches, for all we know,” Piper says softly. “If he isn’t, maybe you all could work something out, still.”
“Nothing’s going to be worked out.”
“What?”
I turn to meet Piper’s confused face. “There’s nothing I can do,” I tell her sadly.
“Wait. Hold on. What are you talking about?” She gestures to the bag of supplies, then points at me. “You found your scent match. You’re not even going totrywith him?”
I can’t answer. I look down at the couch cushion, and Piper lets out a slow exhale.
“Okay. Wow. Okay,” she says, leaning back against the cushion. “Blair?—”
“No.”
The silence stretches between us, and shame threatens to eat me alive.
“I’m not ready.” I admit to her. “It’s like I’m frozen in time. Everything goes back tothem. I keep thinking, ‘how will I mess it up this time?’ Who would want to deal with all that?”
“It’s been two years,” Piper whispers. “You’ve been torturing yourself for two years.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.
“I don’t want to tell you what to do,” she continues. “But I also don’t want to see you punish yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. The car accident wasn’t your fault?—”
“We had just broken up, Piper.Justended it. They were upset, and I should have had them at least stay the night and not try to drive back to their packhouse.”
“You don’t control the weather, Blair.”
I hate this.
I hate the kindness and understanding that Piper is giving me because I don’t deserve it.
It was an amicable break up. It was bittersweet, but the four of us were confident we would remain friends.
I could have insisted they stay with me that night.
If Justin, Aaron, and Cody had stayed at my apartment, they would still be alive.
It’s a fact.
“I know how to use common sense, and I didn’t use it that night,” I admit bitterly.
It’s the most we’ve talked about this, and my stomach sours as the words tumble from my lips.
“You really blame yourself for this?” Piper huffs incredulously. “Comeon,Blair. Come on, you’re the smartest person I know. There’s no way you truly believe this.”
“Stop it,” I snap. “I do believe it, because it’s true.”
Piper’s eyes widen.
“This was my fault, Piper. Itwas.I didn’t make them stay that night, and they aredead.” My voice cracks on the last word. “Even Justin’s mom thinks that. She blames me, and she has every right to.”
