"You're biting your lip," Ryker notes. "You're worried."
I turn slightly and give him a soft smile. "Do you know all my tells by now, Ryker?"
"Most of them. You're pretty transparent most of the time."
"How long have you been watching me, Ryker?"
It's hard to tell beneath the day's growth of beard he's sporting, but I think that he colors. I swivel to face him and deposit myself on his lap, giving him the first sincere smile I've had in a while.
"You don't want to know the answer to that. It might creep you out."
"Tell me anyway." I wrap my arms around his neck and pull myself closer. Yes, he has to be blushing, because I can feel the back of his neck heating.
"Two and a half years. Ever since you first started attending the MC. I thought you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I wanted to ask you out but then Damian..."
Then Damian had swooped in, seducing me into a web of lies that I didn't spot until it was too late. I don't know what expression is on my face, but it must be tragic because Ryker cradles my face in both his hands. My eyes swim with sudden tears.
"Cleo, baby, don't cry."
"I'm just...so stupid!" I say, disgusted with myself. "I went for Damian when all this time..."
I could have had Ryker. A solid, brave, intelligent man who loved me from the start, before he'd even known me. A man who'd stuck around, trying to pick up the broken pieces that Damian left behind. A man who'd been steadfast even when I lusted after his best friend.
"You're not stupid."
"I am. You were right there, everything I could have ever wanted, and I just kept mooning over Cruz. I knew that he would never settle down with me, and yet I kept pushing."
"He saved you from Damian and protected you at risk to himself. I can see why it happened."
But he still looks pleased by my admission. I suppose some small part of him worried that I still loved Cruz. How could he doubt that I was in love with him after all we've gone through?"
"I love you."
"And I love you," he breathed. A brief hesitation then; "Marry me."
I pull back to get a better look at his face, sure this is a joke. The earnestness I see frightens me. He's dead serious.
"Ryker, we can't. I've only been living with you for two weeks. We've had sex four times. That doesn't a marriage make."
"But we are raising your baby together. I love you and you love me. Doesn't it just make sense at this point?"
Maybe, but I leaped without looking last time and I'm not going to do it again. The potential for heartbreak is too great. And what if someday Ryker decides that he'd rather have a woman who is undamaged? Where did that leave me?
I climb off his lap and shake my head back and forth, trying to shoo the idea away. "I can't do this right now."
Ryker reaches for me, but I take a few steps away, putting myself out of his reach. The hurt on his face nearly shatters my heart. A hard, guarded look enters his eyes and he let the hand drop to his lap.
"I see."
I can't do this right now. I just can't. I don't care that I'm in a pair of pajama pants and a borrowed T-shirt. I have to get out of this house before Ryker can pull me back with his sweet words and promise of a life together. Damian promised me that too, and the moment I moved in for good, he trapped me.
Ryker calls after me when I seize my purse and head for the door.
"Cleo, don't. You heard Cruz. It isn't safe."
I pause only to seize a hat and umbrella hanging from the coat rack and pile my hair beneath it. Between the clothes and the hat, I'll be harder to recognize. If I keep my head down, maybe I'll be fine.
Then I bang out the door and into the dark night, fleeing from Ryker and his impossible promises.
