“Everything, I guess,” I said, hiding my dark thoughts away inside my own mind.
Nico had looked at me skeptically before reluctantly going back to cutting lettuce for salad. The family started trickling in a little while later. First Nico’s brothers, then an aunt and uncle and a few cousins. His parents arrived last. I forced myself to mingle and chat, but my heart wasn’t in it. In fact, it was painful. Trying to keep a fake smile on my face and laugh at jokes and tell stories was worse than anything. I wasn’t a fake person by nature. I was usually a social butterfly, hence why I’d opened a bar. But this was all too much.
After dinner was over and everyone had gone outside to enjoy the Florida fall evening, I made my way downstairs into Nico’s man cave. There was a pool table, dart board, a videogame cabinet that seemed to play half the old arcade games from the eighties, and a massive TV with theater-style seating in front of it. The room was blessedly quiet, and I sat in one of the thick leather chairs in front of the TV. The silence was like cool water on a wound, and it was exactly what I needed.
The respite didn’t last long. After five minutes, I heard theshushsound of feet on the carpeted stairs. A glance over my shoulder showed me it was Julia. I gritted my teeth, wishing for just a few more minutes of peace. I quickly plastered the false smile on my face and stood.
“Hey, Julia. Did you need something?”
She waved at me. “Sit back down, dear. No need to get up on my account.”
I sat and Julia walked over to join me. She took the seat next to me and chuckled. “You could almost drown in these things. They’re so big.”
“Yep,” I said, hoping she’d get the point from one-word answers.
She didn’t. Instead, she put her hands on her lap and seemed to be thinking of something to say. Finally, she sat forward, put a hand on my knee, and said, “Can I ask you a question?”
I sighed in exhaustion, failing to hide my weariness. “Sure.” His mother was nice, but she could be pushy. No need to try to get out of the inevitable. If she was going to ask me a question, she was going to ask it. Whether I wanted her to or not.
“What are your intentions with my Nico?”
“I don’t think I understand what you mean,” I said, trulynotunderstanding.
Julia sighed and looked uncomfortable. “What I mean is…well, here’s the thing. Nico is an alpha. You understand?”
“Right. I knew that already. What does that have to do with anything?”
Julia twisted her fingers together, obviously flustered. “He’sthealpha of the Lorenzo pack. He took over for Carlos several years ago. He’s done fantastic job leading us, and I don’t?—”
“Julia,” I interrupted, rubbing at my temples and becoming more irritated by the second. “Can we get to the point here?”
“Well, as the alpha, he’ll need to settle down and have children at some point. He needs an heir. Someone who can take over as alpha the way he took over for his father. I really don’t mean to sound like a bigot here, but the future alpha can’tbe a half-breed.”
The words slammed into me. It was like I’d been slapped. My teeth tore into the side of my cheek so hard, I tasted blood. It was all I could do to keep my face composed and not lean forward and scream in this woman’s face. The dark part of my mind wanted to ask her what she’d think if I was a werewolf—the full embodiment of Edemas. Would she think I wasn’t good enough for her precious boy then? Was that what I needed to be to be accepted?
How dare she? Who the fuck did she thing she was? I opened my mouth to tell her exactly what I thought of her. Instead, I said, “Thanks, Mrs. Lorenzo. I’ll take that into consideration. I appreciate that you feel comfortable enough to approach me with your concerns.”
Julia smiled and patted my knee again. “I’m sure you all enjoy each other. A young fling is fine. You just have to know that nothing more can come of it. Come back up and rejoin the party when you want, sweetie.”
Without another word, Julia stood and headed back up the stairs. I watched her go, and as she disappeared at the top of the landing, my vision went red and my hands clenched into fists. Leaping to my feet, I could actually feel my wolf wantingto jump out of my skin. It was the closest I’d ever been to her. I was vibrating with rage, and tears were leaking out of my eyes. They weren’t tears of sadness or shame, but tears of anger and outrage.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood like that. Time seemed to slow down. It could have been five minutes or five hours. I heard more footsteps coming down the stairs. I turned to look. If it had been Julia again, I really thought I might have jumped onto her and torn her hair out. I wasn’t myself at all. Thankfully, it was Nico.
“Maddy? Are you down here? Oh, there you…Jesus Christ! Maddy? Holy shit, what happened?”
He ran to me and took my fists into his hands. I finally glanced down and saw bright red blood dripping from my shaking hands. Blood had oozed out on both hands and made bright red lines between each finger and dripped onto the hardwood floor. Nico gently pried my fingers open, and we both saw what had happened. I’d clenched my fists so tight, my nails had torn holes into my palms. There were four crescent-shaped wounds on both palms.
“What the fuck, babe?” Nico asked, breathless. “What the hell?”
“Nothing,” I muttered. “Nothing happened.”
Nico pulled me toward the bathroom and turned the sink on. He took a towel, wet it, then dabbed it on my hands. “That’s bullshit. You wouldn’t do this if something hadn’t happened. Maddy, I’ve been worried about you. Ever since we talked to Kenneth, you haven’t been the same. Please. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
I stared down at my bloody palms and shook my head, not trusting myself to talk. The wolf was receding, leaving me alone with my anger and fear. Nico put a hand under my chin and lifted my face to his. “Tell me. If you can’t be honest with me,then who can you be honest with? You’re my mate, and I will always put you first.”
My lower lip trembled, and this time the tears were from sadness. The words started to pour out of me. I spilled my guts. I told him about the dark thoughts I’d been having, about secretly wanting to take the blood, and how I thought it made me evil. I told him about how sad I was about what happened with my parents. Then I told him what his mother had said and how it set me off, and that I didn’t think I’d ever truly belong in his family. When I finally looked back up into his face, he looked pissed—angrier than I’d ever seen him other than when Javi had tried to kill me again.
“It’s okay. Those thoughts are normal, Maddy. Everyone would want revenge. That doesn’t make you a bad person or a monster. What you’re going through is rough. There’s no other way to put it. I would be surprised if youdidn’thave some dark moments. That’s normal for anyone in your position.” He put a hand on my chest and then his own. “You and me? We are a team. Please don’t hide stuff from me. The longer you keep it bottled up, the worse you’ll feel. I’m here for the good times and the bad, the tears and the laughter, the fear and the happiness. Whatever it is, always know you can come to me.”
