I put my finger under her chin and lifted her eyes to me. “Hey, what’s up? Didn’t we have this conversation last night when I was the one feeling guilty?”
Maddy huffed and rolled her eyes. “This fated-mate thing is a pain in the ass sometimes. Maybe I want to keep some stuff secret.”
“Too bad. So, spill it.”
Maddy looked down at her hands. “I can’t get over how all this, everything, is my fault. It probably would have been betterfor everyone if I’d been hit by a car when I was a kid. Without me, none of this would have happened.”
Those words sent a spike of fear and sorrow through my chest, and I pulled her onto my lap.
“Absolutely not. Where would I be without you? I’d be miserable forever without you by my side.” I placed my hand gently on her stomach. “And this little one wouldn’t be getting ready to make an appearance. Everything happens for a reason. None of this is your fault. It was never your fault.”
Maddy smiled at me, nestling her head into the crook between my neck and my shoulder. “Thanks. I needed that, Nico.”
I stroked her back. The problem was, she didn’t believe me. I could feel it. She was still hanging on to that guilt, and I had no clue how to get her to stop. If she kept those thoughts in her mind, she might end up doing something stupid.
135
MADDY
We sat like that for a while, basking in the silence. I had so many emotions flooding through me that it took a while to get them organized enough so I could actually voice them.
Finally, I said, “I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but all I can think about is how useless I was yesterday when it mattered most.” Nico opened his mouth to say something, but I continued, cutting him off. “I was locked up in that house, behind closed doors, while everyone else was out there fighting and protecting our home. It made me feel so weak.”
Nico pulled me tighter. “You aren’t weak. Not by a long shot. You’ve already been through more than most people could even imagine. You’re pregnant, but that doesn’t mean you’re weak. All it means is you have to protect yourself more.”
I sighed and shook my head. “I hate talking about it like that. It’s like it’s some sort of cop-out.Oh, I’m pregnant. I better stay out of the way. Ugh.”
“That isn’t a cop-out,” Nico said, gently turning my face to meet his. “Maddy, you’re braver than anyone I know. You are protecting our baby by not fighting. You may very well be savingits life by staying away from battles and fighting and all the rest. Just because you’re not fighting right alongside all of us doesn’t mean you’re weak. Anything but. You’re stronger than you can ever imagine, and I need you to stay strong for me. For us.” He finished by putting his hand on my belly again.
Hearing him say it that way actually did make it a little better. My own hand drifted to my stomach. I still couldn’t get over how fast everything was happening. It hadn’t been that long ago that I’d found out I was pregnant, but my body was already changing. My belly was hardening, my breasts were getting bigger, and it wouldn’t be long before I couldn’t hide it anymore.
“Are we good?” Nico asked.
I nodded. “We are. I’m sorry. I keep getting in my own head about things I have no control over.” I waved a hand through the air. “Enough about me. How are things going this morning?”
Nico sighed. “The video did the job. Dad told me there is a ton of people out front. No more anti-shifters, but journalists, news stations, bloggers—anyone and everyone who reports news. They’re asking for an interview. Dad is going to set one up with one of the big national news channels. I guess my fifteen minutes of fame is getting started.”
“Oh wow. Seriously?” I never dreamed Nico would be doing news interviews. Better him than me. That sounded terrifying and nerve-wracking.
“Yup. After what happened yesterday, I think it’s necessary. We’ve got to be an alternative voice to Viola. Someone needs to be the yin to her fucked-up yang. If yesterday proved anything, it’s that we can’t keep hiding behind the wards anymore. There’s an entire war going on out there. Shifters can’t live locked up and hiding.”
He was right. As awful as things had been for us, we were in a great spot compared to others across the world. We lived in a secure location, and we had one of the biggest packs in thecountry with plenty of able-bodied shifters to fight off intruders. We also had what appeared to be the most powerful witch of the last millennium. Compared to the smaller, less powerful packs, we were living in heaven. Hundreds of thousands of shifters all across the world were living in hiding, wondering if each day was going to be their last, and so far, all they’d heard or seen was Viola’s damned face and the hatred she loved to spew.
“I see what you mean,” I said. “Someone has to be the voice of reason. Who better than an alpha, right?”
Nico shrugged and looked uncomfortable. “I’m not trying to be some shifter messiah or anything. I only want the world to know the truth. I don’t want any more lives lost, but Viola has to lose this power she has over us. She’s orchestrating a genocide against shifters. If no one else is going to speak out and be the… I don’t know… figurehead or something, I guess it has to be me.”
Those words shot through me, leaving terror in their wake. If Nico really did become the other voice that pushed back against Viola, then the target on his head would only grow. The fight would only get bigger. The next attack would be more aggressive. It would escalate. The only real question I had was where I would be standing when the final fight came. The thought that had been worming its way ever deeper into my mind for the last couple of months surged to the forefront. There was no ignoring it this time. So much had already happened, and who knew what other awful surprises Viola might have up her sleeve? We needed a trump card.
“I think I should drink the vial.” The words were out before I even realized I was opening my mouth.
Nico tensed. “What?”
It was out now. I needed to plead my case before he started on me.
“Listen,” I said. “I know we were worried what the blood would do to the baby, but this child is also a descendant ofEdemas. That tells me that any effect will be minimal. I don’t think there will be a negative outcome. Not really. Plus, Isme didn’t tell me not to drink it. Remember? She only said that if I did, it had to be done for pure and honest reasons. I don’t want to rule or subjugate. All I want is to protect my family and friends. Ihaveto protect them.”
I don’t know if it was the imploring tone in my voice, the desperation he saw in my eyes, or the terror of what happened yesterday, but instead of immediately retorting why it was a dumb idea, he sat in silence. I’d been so ready for the argument to begin that I’d already gotten several rebuttals ready. He’d caught me off guard.
