Maddy tried to give me cues as we worked on it, letting me know how her wolf was feeling at certain points. We tried running, lying on the forest floor, even taking our shoes off and wading into the stream to get her more connected to nature. A lot of shifters were more at home in the wilderness, but that didn’t seem to help either.
“What if I shift?” I asked. “Do you think that might bring her out? My pheromones are really strong, especially now that we’ve mated.”
Maddy seemed nervous. “Sure. Let’s give it a shot.”
“Don’t fight your wolf’s reaction to me,” I said. “Stay calm, and remember the relaxation techniques. It'll only take a second for her to take over and shift.”
Maddy nodded, and without hesitation, I shifted, falling to the ground and landing on four paws. Maddy’s breath hissed through her nose as she chuckled. “Uh… she’s… I don’t even know how to explain it, but she knows you’re here.”
I moved to Maddy’s side and slid myself along her legs, rubbing my scent on her. Maddy clenched and unclenched her fists and fidgeted on her feet. I looked up and saw the expression on her face—she looked both confused and anxious. She was whimpering and talking to herself, but it was so low and quiet that I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I took a few steps back when she started to snarl and growl.
I could feel Maddy’s wolf. Her presence was right there, so close I could practically smell her. I’d never felt that before. She was close. So damned close.
Maddy shook her head and looked bewildered. “She’s not ready.”
I shifted back and took Maddy’s hand. “What do you mean? Do you mean you aren’t ready?”
“No, she isn’t.”
“How can you tell?”
“She told me so.”
The idea of my wolf actually speaking to me was beyond my comprehension. Every time Maddy said something like that, it confused me even more. Was it a werewolf trait? Some more powerful connection they had to their wolf? Jesus, could they talk when they were in their werewolf form? That was a pretty scary thought and added to the pile of questions we already had.
“Did she say why she didn’t come out?” I asked.
“She said as much as she’d love to come out, it wasn’t the right time.” Maddy took my hand and smiled one of the first genuine smiles I’d seen on her face in a while. “I don’t know what changed with my wolf, but I think things are going to be okay. We just have to be patient.”
She kissed me then. I had no idea what had changed, but she seemed more at ease than ever before. I kissed her back, wrapping my arms around her. After several seconds, I pulled away to look into her eyes. “I trust you. I don’t really know what or who your wolf is, but I trust you.”
I said that, but it was still strange to me to think of a wolf having its own thoughts. The thought of my own wolf having its own motives and being able to dictate to me when and where he was going to reveal himself was bizarre. But her wolfwaspart of Maddy. It had become rapidly clear over the last couple ofmonths that she was unlike any of us. We had so much to figure out. I’d do whatever it took to help her understand.
48
MADDY
Now that I’d learned some ways to stay calm and collected, things seemed to be a little bit better. My wolf and I had grown closer. I couldn’t put a finger on what had caused it, but I was grateful. It was probably the reason I was able to look past my own anxiety about shifting and could feel hers. She was just as anxious as I was, if not more.
My wolf wanted to be with her mate, but she said it wasn’t time. The waves of emotion I felt from her were sometimes overwhelming, and I still found that difficult to understand. Nico told me it was normal. In fact, he said it was more normal than the words I heard from her. Nico’s wolf shared its feelings, emotions, fears, and desires with him. Every shifter had that symbiotic relationship with their wolf. Although mine was on a wholly different level, and no one could understand it.
Yet, it made sense to me. A living and thinking being shared my body, so why wouldn’t she speak to me? Apparently, that was unheard of. It wasn’t a constant hum of words buzzing through my mind all day. It was sporadic and usually in simple two, sometimes three-word bursts. Enough for me to know she was there, but not enough to drive me mad.
Regardless, I felt better than I had in days. It was a relief to sleep well for a few nights in a row. As a side benefit, Nico was also more relaxed. He and I were connected through mating, so I was sure my issues had weighed on him physically. When I sat down to watch the next training session a day or two later, I felt almost totally normal.
It was a little while after lunch when I sensed someone walking up behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see Nico’s mom, Julia. “Oh, hi. Did you want to have a seat?” I asked, patting the grass beside me.
Julia and I had made up, and things were much less strained between us. It was still a little awkward because we were trying to get to know each other, but it was a pleasant awkwardness.
Julia shook her head. “Do you have a minute?”
I nodded. “Sure, what’s up?”
She took a seat next to me, folding her hands into her lap as she looked out over the field and watched her husband, sons, and the rest of her pack running, leaping, and fighting. “I know you’re going through a lot. I wanted to see if you wanted to talk about it or if you needed anything?”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “Thanks, I don’t think so. I can only talk about it so much. After a while, it starts to feel redundant.”
Julia put her hand on my arm. “Your family is in danger. Your friend. There is nothing redundant about talking about that. Sometimes that’s the only way to make sense of a situation.”
