“The group is certain to make many discoveries. Your name will be in the journals of astronomy, and, I would guess, mathematics.” He felt as though he were convincing himself of the merits of the position as well.
“Mmmhmm.” She was listening—the sound was not distracted—but if he had to guess, nothing he was saying was helping.
“Do you know what your schedule will be like?” he asked.
“I imagine it will ebb and flow depending on discoveries. But fairly busy.”
He nodded, not that she could see. What was the assurance she needed? “I am looking forward to it. I have not had an adventure since the Grand Tour, and you are far better company than those buffoons.”
It did not even elicit a laugh. “Sophie?”
Agonized eyes turned up to him. His hand cupped her cheek. “What is it?”
She leaned into his palm, whispering, “What if it all sounds horrible? Nearly all of it—except for you?”
He tipped his head, forehead wrinkling. “All of it?”
“I…” She blinked several times, then burst out. “I do not want to go through with it. No one wants me there, for one, and it is terribly boring. I miss my students. I miss interacting with children and teaching. Oh, heavens, I think I have made a terrible mistake.”
His brows rose. “Okay. Well… then we will find you a teaching position.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she shook her head as if she could shake them away. “Fustian, I don’t know why I’m crying.” She half-laughed, half-sniffed.
Bewildered, Andrew brushed his thumb beneath her eyes.
“You do not think I am too capricious? That it is the wrong choice to leave the project?”
“Not at all. It is the wrong choice to stay if you will be miserable.”
“I am,” she said, nodding. “I am miserable. I was only doing it to prove something to my parents. I simply wanted to reach the pinnacle of my success, so they were forced to see that I was worthy of their pride. That my pursuit of education and a career was not foolhardy, but worthwhile. And why? Why do I wish to make them proud—they do not care a fraction for me.” Gads, but he could relate to that. He had spent years attempting to attain his self-determined definition of success. On his own. Yet this marriage, happening as it was, would not have been possible without his father’s help. He was learning that he, too, needed to relax his expectations of himself.
He covered her hand with his. “You do not owe an explanation to anyone, Sophie. Your parents would be plenty proud of you if they were not so busy focused on their own success that they were blind to the gem they have for a daughter.”
She suddenly laughed, and the pendulum of her emotions was unsettling but fascinating. “And in the end, I’ve done exactly what they desired—marrying a gentleman—and still they are not happy with me.”
“That may be because they don’t count me a gentleman at the moment.”
“Even more evidence that they are dolts.” She covered her mouth immediately after saying it, but the way her eyes creased said she was thrilled to have allowed the words.
“Exactly,” he agreed. “And you need not see them again if you do not wish it.”
“They will be livid when they hear we have run off.”
He squeezed her hand. “That sounds as if it is their problem, not ours.”
Her lips quirked. “Where will we go, do you think? After the… wedding. London? Where had you hoped to open your bank? I cannot believe I have not asked before now.”
“I have not been interested in talking about it, as the plans were all up in the air—I had an inkling early on that I’d follow you to America if you wished it. But the estate was in Croydon.”
Her brows flew up. “That is where my sister lives. And you were to purchase an estate there?”
“Only renting it. I was in conversation with the solicitor. It is no grand house, but it felt as if it were the next right step. As if having an estate behind my name would make me more than the second son I was born. I wrote him yesterday to suspend the plan indefinitely, though.”
Her head tilted as she looked at him. “You are far more than your birth order, Andrew. You do not need to prove yourself to anyone.” She gave a little laugh. “I suppose I am one to talk.”
A lump appeared in his throat. Years ago, he’d set upon this course, certain that if he could only acquire all the things that his brother would have by birthright, he would be just as worthwhile to society. But Sophie was correct—he did not need to meet any arbitrary goals. Frankly, he needed only the incredible woman beside him to be proud of his life, though he suspected she would say he did not need to prove himself even to her.
She had evidently been thinking at the same time as he. Her gaze was distant. “But I wonder… My mother had a plan for me, if you’ll remember? A wealthy gentleman was said to let an estate near my sister. She thought if I only went to stay with Elizabeth for a fortnight or two, I could catch his eye.”
