His was not visible, but it was there.
Then her eyes met his, and something in the way her face softened told him she knew.
“What is wrong?” she asked again, softer this time.
He shook his head again. “Nothing. I... I find it hard to be in her room.”
Her gaze swept the chamber then returned to him. “Marietta’s?”
He nodded.
She did not tease him for the action. She only stared at him, eyes full of emotion. “After all this time, you still feel such pain?” she whispered.
He swallowed. “Not always.” That was not true.
“Certain memories can be more potent than others,” she offered.
He nodded again. Again, she did not tease him.
Tell her. This time, the voice carried the distinct cadence of Marietta’s stern demands. He rebelled against the thought, but it pushed harder. Every time he’d revealed something about himself to Miss Faraday, he’d felt relieved of a burden. Could she help him here?
“I am the reason she died.”
She did not gasp or back away. Her eyes still searched his. Her hand still circled his wrist. “Why?”
“I made a series of poor decisions that kept us on the road past dark. Highwaymen attacked. Marietta followed me out of the carriage to see what was the matter, and after they knocked me out, they did the same to her. Except she did not wake.” His voice broke when he saidnot.
“You could not have known.”
“I should have.”
She shook her head. “No.” Her voice was firm. “No one could have, andyoudid not hurt your sister. The highwaymen did.”
He said nothing. Could say nothing. She did not understand. Yet that voice inside whispered that perhaps she understood better than he did.
The grip on his wrist tightened. “I see the guilt you are carrying. I see it, and I do not want to diminish your pain, but you have to let the guilt go.”
Her words mirrored his thoughts from before, but still, he did not know how. How did one remove a burden carried so long that it had become a part of oneself?
“I do not know how.” He looked away, staring out the window to the fading light of day beyond. If only the grief would fade like the sun. But like the sun, it never really went away.
She shifted so that they were shoulder to shoulder, looking at the view together. “I am not sure there is a manual for such a thing, but every small thing you can manage will help. Perhaps if you start by thinking of what Marietta would want for you. Would she want you to feel this pain? To continually blame yourself for what is not truly your fault?”
Of course not. She could never bear to see someone in pain. The words settled on his heart with a sort of rightness. They made sense to him. They felt correct. But how could he take that knowledge and apply it?
He gathered himself, blinking to erase any more emotion from his eyes. This was not Miss Faraday’s burden to carry; it was his. But he would think on what she said. He would try to find some way to lessen his guilt. If it were possible.
“I am glad you are here,” he said, looking down at her. Her eyes came up to meet his. “I had planned to seek you out this evening.” His voice was a bit scratchy, but he cleared his throat.
“What for?”
“To continue our conversation from Mr. Sperry’s. I assumed you did not want to speak in front of your maid.”
She did not protest the change of subject. “You assumed correctly.”
He nodded then waited for her to continue. He did not want to pressure her, but a part of himneededto know the details of her considering marriage.
After a breath, her hand released his wrist, and she wrapped her arms around herself. “I never thought that I would be able to control my own future, but here I am, with this possibility given to me.”
