Yet he felt the need to call on her. To see her. To speak with her.
And that was no good at all.
Chapter 21
Lydia rehearsed her speech inher mind as she stood outside the darkly stained door to Lord Tarrington’s study. For the first time in days, when she’d asked the housekeeper, she’d been informed that he could be found out of his room. Which meant it was time to make good on her plan.
She lifted her hand and rapped twice on the door before she could change her mind. This was the right choice.
“Come in,” her guardian called, his voice sounding scratchy.
She pushed the door open.
He flicked a glance at her then continued flipping through some papers. “Yes?”
She did not sit, but he did not stand. Clearly, he did not respect her enough to even come to his feet for her. No matter. That may help her in her endeavors, even.
“I would like to reiterate my request to return to Tarrington Park.”
“No.” His eyes ran down one page then he grabbed another. “You are well on your way to a match with Lord Charles. I will not send you home now.”
“Lord Charles told me in no uncertain terms that he does not wish to court me.”
Lord Tarrington’s hands stilled, but this time when he looked up, his brows were pulled down in anger. “And you did not tell me this?”
“It was just yesterday.”
“I should have been informed immediately.” He dropped the papers. “What did you do to alienate him? Thunderation, this ruins everything!”
Lydia lifted her chin at his outburst. “I did everything you asked me to. He does not wish to marry now.”
Lord Tarrington opened and closed his hands above the desktop as if looking for something to grab. Lydia took another step back. She’d never seen him this way. Almost crazed. “I apologize. I did all I was supposed to.”
His eyes locked on hers. A vein was pulsing in his forehead. Then his anger broke. “You did nothing! You’ve ruined everything! You—” He cursed, pushing from his seat and pointing to the door. “Go! I’ll find another suitor, I’ll fix—” A cough cut him off, but he managed a second, “Go!”
She turned from the man with alacrity, not bothering to close the door behind her. She nearly ran to the stairs and up them. Her hands shook as she glanced back over her shoulder, half certain he would follow to continue his diatribe. He’dneverspoken to her like that—never spoken to anyone like that, at least as far as she’d heard.
Her steps felt uneven, as if the shaking from her hands was moving through the rest of her, making her incapable of basic movements. She forced herself to slow, taking even breaths in an attempt to steady herself.
Now, not only was she stuck in London even still, but she seemed to have pushed Lord Tarrington even deeper into his plans to marry her off. Why was her marriage so important that he would risk his health? Why could he not give her even an ounce of freedom?
Her heart rate slowed, but anger was filling the space where fear had resided. Why could this man not give her even a hint at his reasoning? She was a grown woman. She’d been taking care of herself perfectly well without him for years, but he expected her to be happy with his sudden interest in her marriage and no explanation as to why? It was beyond aggravating—it was disparaging. She needed an escape. She needed to do something, go somewhere, fix her circumstances. But she hadn’t a clue what she could even do.
Her first thought was of Lord Berkeley. Surely he would help her—unless he had washed his hands of her now that Lord Charles had ended their relationship.
If help was not to be had, perhaps she could help someone else. That was certain to calm her, to help her think straight.
The children. Fanny, George, and Anne. She’d never been able to see them personally, and helping them could only help her forget her own ridiculous circumstances.
She burst into her room, startling Jones. “I should like to see the children from the street. Can you lay out my walking dress?”
Jones crossed her arms. “No, and I will not accompany you.”
Lydia watched Jones with exasperation. Even her own maid was always bent on bossing her around. “It is a quick errand.”
“Lord Tarrington would not approve.”
“Lord Tarrington does not care where I go or what I do.” He’d just told her togo,after all. She was just taking him literally.
