“For years,” he continued, “I have lived my life in a very controlled manner. I have acted as I deemed necessary to keep those around me safe, but also, as I’ve learned recently, to keep myself safe from the pain I felt when my sister died. You see, Lydia, I think a part of me died then as well.”
She bit her lips together but said nothing, hoping he would not stop. And hoping for more that she would not even voice in her own head.
“Truth be told, I am not sure if I can fix those broken parts. Even if I can... it could be a long journey yet.”
She nodded, wanting to give him some reaction but unable to find her tongue.
He took a step closer. The distance between them was growing so very short. “I had thought to perhaps regain your friendship first. Then perhaps to ask to court you. I would not deserve either, but I was prepared to try. Yet now... now you say you are leaving, and I cannot allow you to. I cannot allow you to go because, though my heart is still broken from the past, if you were to leave, I would lose it altogether.”
Lydia could only stare at him, hardly able to countenance his words.
He suddenly shook his head. “I know it is not so perfectly said, but you of all people know how imperfect I am. Yet, despite believing you could not accept me now, I must tell you how deeply I care for you. I must... I must beg you not to go. Please.”
Warmth burst in her chest, carrying feelings she could not identify, except that a thread of happiness—no, ofjoy—ran through them all. But she could not be so rash as to fall into his arms at mere words. Her life was far more complicated now than simply giving up her inheritance.
She folded her hands into her skirt, if only for something to do. “I... I do not know what comes next. I do not know what I can do or if I can have any choice in who I court or marry.” She wanted to retreat from the truth but could not. It was her life. “I do not know if I am at liberty to return your affection any longer.” As unlikely as it was, the new Lord Tarrington could show up in the morning and drag her home. The thought brought icy fear streaking through her.
Lucas stepped even closer, forcing her to look up at him, and then, with the lightest of touches, his hands caught hers, disentangling them from her skirt. “I will take you to theTarrington estate then. I will take you to Gretna Green, Lydia. If you but say the word, I will do anything. I cannot lose you.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. “You would do that for me?”
“That and more.”
She nodded. “Thank you. No one has ever... That is...” She swiped at her eyes. “Ridiculous tears.”
He chuckled at that. “Now, I do not mean to push you, but say youwereat liberty to return my affection...”
“Oh? You want my confession, do you? I have already given it, you know.”
He looked wary. “But your feelings must have—I cannot hope for them to have remained steadfast in the face of my stupidity.”
She shook her head. “What a fool you are.” She said the words with a laugh, but his face was anything but humored.
“I know.”
She squeezed his hand. “No, you do not. You think I could fall out of love with you that easily? If that were possible, I might have saved myself a great deal of pain. Lucas, I have pushed ceaselessly against my feelings for you, even before this morning. I have used every ounce of logic I possess to tell myself not to care, but I was helpless to your pull. If Icanstay with you, I will do so in a heartbeat.”
He heaved a sigh, a genuine smile causing his eyes to crease at the edges. “You had me a bit worried there.”
Her eyes sparkled. “You deserved it after what you put me through. You called our kissmisplaced.”
He made a face. “I know. I was horrid.”
She laughed, lightness filling every space where sorrow had flooded over the course of the day. She continued, “Now, I ought to have told you earlier, but I did not regret our kiss. Not a bit. And I do not know what my future holds, but I would really like to face it with you.”
He sobered. “Even if I am broken?”
“I think we are all a little broken. It makes us far more interesting, if nothing else.”
He actually laughed aloud at that. She could grow used to his laugh. Her hand tightened around his. His eyes searched hers.
“I will wait for your inheritance,” he said. “I know how important it is to you to control your future. I can wait.”
Her heart hitched at that, but in the next moment, she shook her head. “No.”
“No?”
He had given up a great deal of his internal control to declare his feelings for her. She could do the same for him, no matter how scary it felt. She trusted him to help her through her future just as she hoped he would trust her to help him heal. “I do not need it.”
