He took a long drink of his port, draining the glass. Slowly, unconsciously prolonging the need to decide to leave the table, he leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hand across his jaw. His life had never been particularly enjoyable or easy, but at least before he married Amelia it was predictable. Now, music filled his home, his servants preferred his wife over himself, and he’d finally found a woman who he didn’t have to tactfully keep at arm’s length. Because she didn’t even seem to like him.
But therealproblem was not so much her feelings as his own, because Edward was coming to realize that despite popular opinion, he did have a heart. And he was fairly certain it no longer belonged to him.
He stood from the table. But instead of going to the drawing room, he went to his study. If he was to deserve a woman such as Amelia, he needed to become a better man in earnest. And that began by righting his wrongs.
He pulled a fresh sheet of paper from a drawer and began a list, a list of women’s names. It was not long but still longer than he’d wished. And it took rather a long time to separate the women who had been complicit from the women who had not.
When he’d finished, he copied the first name onto a sheet of paper and began his letter. It took two drafts to get it right before he was able to fold and address it to the woman’s mother.
And then he started the next.
All the while, memories of his terrible actions flooded his mind. There were many women who had tried to coerce or trap him in marriage. Those were the ones he deemed complicit in their own ruination. But these women he was now writing to—he was fairly certain they’d had nothing to do with the schemes of their mothers or fathers. They had been ruined because of parents who reached too high on the social-climbing ladder, and he wished to apologize for the role he’d played.
Chapter Twenty
“Lord Norwich. It is abouttime you visited me.” The haughty rebuke was the only greeting Edward received as he entered Lady Cromwell’s drawing room. For what felt like the first time in several days, he found himself fighting a smile.
“If you missed me, you could have called. Lady Anderson visited just last week.”
“Lady Anderson is a ninny.”
Edward nearly laughed. He knew the two women were like sisters, just as his mother had been with them.
“And still, that is no reason to have not visited.”
The woman sniffed, and Edward did not feel it would be beneficial to point out he had visited her within the past fortnight and invited her to a dinner party. Lady Cromwell enjoyed her dramatics, and who was he to come in the way of a woman and her hobbies?
“How have you been, Lady Cromwell?”
“Well enough, but we both know you are not here to talk about me. What has happened with youramour?”
Edward stilled, ignoring the proffered tea she was holding out to him. “Certainly, you must know that is not the way of our marriage. And why should you wonder if something has happened?”
“Notif, Lord Norwich,what.Whathappened with your love? Did your foolhardy plan to woo her into submission work in the way you wished?” She gave the teacup she still held out a small shake—more of a bob, really—that sent the contents sloshing about.
He took it from her hands and sighed, unable to find it in him to refute her use of the endearment a second time. “Nothing has happened.”
“Ah.”
“Yes.”
“Then what are you doing here?” A fine, gray eyebrow arched at him, indicating displeasure.
“What do you mean?” Edward grew wary, drawing back from the suddenly formidable woman. She huffed.
“You, young man, belong at your home. What is wrong with you? You married a gem; I can tell as much from my brief acquaintance and what you’ve told me. And ifnothingis occurring in that marriage, you had best change that right now. Andnotthrough some foolhardy plan to falsely woo the girl. You are better than that.”
He opened his mouth to defend himself, but she raised a hand to still him, arched eyebrow still fixed.
“Edward, it may not be my place, but your mother would have wanted someone to set you straight, and it seems that job has fallen to me. Boy, you aremarried. And marriage, though thetonhas yet to figure it out, is a sacred blessing. But what it isnot, is easy. You cannot expect your marriage will be built upon nothing but a couple fine encounters and sweet words.No!” Edward jumped as she pounded her cane, giving weight to her words. “Marriage—that is, true and lastinglove—is constant work, and if you wish to have such a feeling in your union, you must do something about it!”
“Perhaps I do not desire the regard you speak of in this union, Lady Cromwell. Perhaps Amelia does not.” His words sounded bleak even to his ears. They were not at all the words of the man who had been determined to woo his wife. It hadn’t taken long for him to realize she could not be fooled into caring for him, a humbling fact to discover. And he did not need to be further humbled by Lady Cromwell just now.
Was it too soon to give his farewells? He had only been here a handful of minutes, but surely he could come up with some excuse to leave.
“Psh!We both know that is untrue. I flatter myself that I know you better than that. You may hide behind your flattering words and unaffected manner, but I have seen the true you. And you desire an unfeeling marriage as greatly as you desire to eat pickled vegetables for the remainder of your days!” The creases around her eyes softened, and a light smile touched her face.
Edward remained rooted to his seat, torn between flight and his need for help. He greatly needed help. After writing his letters, he did not know the next step to take.
