I’d stuck to my jeans and band T-shirts, uncomfortable with my changing body and the sudden attention. “You’re too pretty to be so grunge,” they’d tease, but it felt like it wasn’t a compliment.
Lara had never made me feel insecure, although she was arguably just as gorgeous as Charlotte and Emma, maybe even more so. She’d been blessed with a kind personality and a big heart too.
Lara had been texting non-stop, checking in with me several times each day. She would have come to the funeral for moral support, but she was stuck at school and filming the show. They’d had the rare day off on Sunday, so she was going to come out then to visit and take my mind off things, but she’d have to be back for school the next day. Even though she had a lot of worries of her own, she took the time to make sure I knew she was available.
Lara could empathize with the grief I felt. Her bond with her grandmother was as closely knitted as mine was to Gramps, and she’d already lost her grandfather. Her grandmother was still alive, but her health wasn’t the greatest.
Not for the first time that day, I wished she could have made it out. If only to help me face Charlotte and Emma.
As Charlotte threw back her head and laughed at something Evan said, my fingers twitched. I got the sudden uncomfortable feeling that none of them were here for me, or to celebrate my grandfather’s life.
Tonight, they were all dressed up in outfits that didn’t exactly suggest they were attending the funeral reception of an influential elderly member of our community, but out for a night of fun at the bar.
Truth be told, I was wary of them. I knew who they were here for, and it wasn’t me. But I’d grown a lot since high school, and my skin was a lot thicker now. I refused to allow them to have the upper hand.
Michelle spotted me approaching first, and her face split into a wide grin. She waved me over, excitement dancing in her eyes. Something in how Charlotte and Emma were looking at me told me they were less than thrilled to see me, though they both pasted on fake smiles as I walked over.
Emma was standing closest to Dare. I could tell by the way she positioned her body that she was trying to stake a claim. The thought made me inwardly laugh—if she thought she was going home with him; she was in for a rude awakening.
I took a breath, calling a smile to my lips. It didn’t matter if it was contrived, fake it until you make it. Most people couldn’t tell my fake smiles from my real ones anyway. My family, for example? Couldn’t tell the difference. I had always been the sunshine, and they didn’t look too deeply into my smiles. The only exception to that rule seemed to be Dare. He knew each and every one of my smiles.
Calum might have been the king of suppressing his emotions, but I was talented at it myself. I defaulted to positive and happy, trying to bury the bad in whatever good I could, whereas Cal defaulted to anger. He’d let it explode out, not caring about the consequences until after. Then he’d add it to his pile of regrets and suppress that as well.
Dare watched me approach, the longing in his irises apparent to me—calling out to my own. I wished I could be brave in the ways I wanted. I wished I could go up to him and fall into his embrace, let him hold me through my grief the way I knew he would later tonight when we finally got a chance to be alone.
For now, distance and a smile were all I could offer him. I was overly conscious of my father’s eyes on us. I knew he was watching Calum’s every move, and each move his friends made too, looking for reasons to justify his anger at them.
“Connor! It’s beenforever!” Michelle squealed once I’d reached them, throwing her arms around me in a hug and bouncing with excitement. Hugging her back, my eyes cut over her shoulder to Dare.
The corner of his lips lifted in a small smile, his eyes endless pools of concern, understanding, and need. I knew he wanted to fix my pain, to make this all better for me, and the fact he couldn’t even be there for me in the way he wanted made him feel powerless.
“Yeah, it’s been ages. How are you doing?” I asked, turning my attention to my old friend. Michelle and I might have drifted apart over the last few years, our college choices pulling us in different directions, but she had been my friend long before Calum had been famous—I reminded myself that had to count for something. At least her excitement in seeing me was genuine.
I couldn’t really blame Michelle for our friendship disintegrating. Some were built to last, and some couldn’t survive turbulence. Michelle hadn’t known what to do with my new-found popularity any more than I had, and it had changed her too.
“I’m engaged now!” she told me proudly, flashing her hand at me—the diamond ring on her finger sparkling in the bar light.
“That’s really great! To Trevor?” I smiled in congratulations. When in high school, Michelle had dated the same guy from her family’s church from tenth grade on. His name was Trevor, and he’d been even more shy than Michelle.
“No, actually. I met him at college.” She blushed, as if embarrassed to admit she wasn’t with Trevor anymore.
“That’s great! What’s his name? When’s the wedding?” I could feel Dare watching me, trying to catch my eye. I had purposely kept space between us, fearing the closer I got to him, the harder it’d be to mask how I felt.
“His name is Brian, and the wedding is next spring.” Michelle smiled. “What about you? Are you seeing anybody?”
I could feel all eyes on me. My father, Dare, Evan, even Calum, although I wasn’t sure how much of the conversation my brother was tuned in to. He’d been trapped in his own head since Harper had made an appearance at the funeral.
“Nothing serious,” I replied lightly. I felt, rather than saw, the visceral reaction Dare had to that. In denying our relationship, it was as if I was denying how he felt for me, and how I felt for him. It was as if I was denying the future we wanted to have together.
But now wasn’t the time to come clean about our relationship. Not in the middle of a crowded pub at the reception of my grandfather’s funeral. Not with my father’s angry eyes watching each interaction.
“We have plenty of time to get serious,” Charlotte replied, batting her lashes at Cal. Calum grunted, sensing her interest.
“I’m going to get a drink,” he said, pulling away from our group.
Charlotte looked offended, frowning after Calum like she was shocked he hadn’t returned her interest. I was happy he’d walked away without acknowledging her. She had some balls showing up at my grandfather’s funeral reception just to try and get close to the guys. It was disrespectful and out of line, but not surprising.
Tai, too, was frowning after Calum. She looked like she had something important to discuss—and she did. The guys had canceled Saturdays’ show and intended on remaining in town, at least for the time being.
