“Morning,” I said groggily, pausing long enough to wrap my arms around her and press a kiss to her cheek before making my way over to the counter with the coffee. I grabbed a mug and poured it in, dumping two scoops of sugar and cream in it. “Where’s Dad?”
“He went to the shop, I think,” Mom replied, her warm green eyes on me and a pinch of pain in her smile.
Calum was watching me too, his glacier blue eyes seeming to miss nothing. I tried not to meet either of their gazes. I felt like the veil hiding my secrets was thin and transparent. I wasn’t sure how I’d mask my feelings once Dare got here, once I was forced to be around him and everyone else in the same spaces.
The last time I’d had to do so, we were in a group of people who were drinking and partying…people who were mostly too intoxicated to pick up on much, outside of what was happening in their own minds and worlds.
Still, I couldn’t deny we’d grown closer, that we’d fallen into a quiet and steady courtship. Gramps had his suspicions, but now that he was gone…nobody knew about it but me—and Dare.
Not even Lara knew the true nature of our relationship. She thought he was just helping me with my music. She’d be able to tell the second she spent any time with us both, but she hadn’t accompanied me on a visit with them since I took her to Coachella.
Her weekend with Killian had been more than she counted on, and despite her rules about keeping things fun and casual, I could sense my stubborn friend had a thing for the musician. Where I liked to bury and conceal my feelings, Lara liked to run from hers.
Not to mention she was extremely busy with filming, which didn’t allow her a lot of free time. It was part avoidance, part business that kept Lara away.
But it wasn’t Lara’s company I craved. I wanted Dare.
With how close we had become; it was only natural for my heart to seek comfort from him. I’d unraveled during last night’s call, and that was just with hearing his voice. What would I do when we saw each other?
We had to tread carefully, and I figured Calum was less likely to freak out about it if we went about things the way we’d both planned on doing it. It wouldn’t be such a shock to his system.
Upon graduation, Dare would formally broach the band with a suggestion to have me collaborate on a few tracks and possibly join them on their next tour to perform the songs. Together, we had composed a few songs for the band that I was to sing on, providing Evan and Cal both agreed to it. Dare had no doubts they would.
Then, after I got a little experience on the road with them, we would focus on my debut album. We’d been texting each other lyrics back and forth, working on songs over text message. Dare had even composed a part for Lara, sensing the violin would provide a powerful addition to the ballad.
A ballad Dare and I were to sing. It was about wanting someone you couldn’t have, inspired by the years we both spent fighting it, thinking we couldn’t admit our true feelings. In a way, we still couldn’t. We were still locked in a secret relationship.
Lara knew about the violin part and couldn’t wait to record it. We’d tentatively agreed to meet up with Dare at a recording studio over the summer and spend some time hanging with the guys. Until then, she was busy with filming.
Calum rapped his knuckles on the table once, breaking me from my rumination. “Well, I’ve got to go pick up my suit. Feel like coming with, Con? We could grab lunch?” he asked, his blue eyes resting on me and waiting for my answer.
“Yeah, sure. Coffee first though?” I answered, sitting down in a vacant chair at the table with my mug. Taking a deep sip, I let the caffeine sooth my raw throat.
“Sounds good, I’m not caffeinated enough to deal with the general population yet either.” He stood, bringing his empty cup to the counter to refill it.
“Did you sleep well last night?” Mom asked me, her green eyes worrying as she studied the bags under my eyes.
“Sort of,” I lied, sending her a small but reassuring smile over my mug. “I’m sure I’ll sleep better after…” I trailed off, not finishing the sentence or the thought. I didn’t want to think about the real reason why we were all under the same roof for the first time in nine years. Closing my eyes, I took a breath, trying to push away the emotion so it wouldn’t spill out.
Mom didn’t need my tears, not when she had enough on her plate. I was old enough to understand life and death, and the only thought that brought me comfort was Gramps was watching over us, delighting in the fact we were together again.
“I know, sweetie. I miss him too, but he’s watching over us. Probably smug that he finally got your brother to come home,” Mom said, voicing my internal thought. Calum froze mid-pour, the muscles in his back taut. He finished filling his mug and set the coffee pot back down.
“I should have come home more,” he said with his back still to us. Mom stood up, going over to him.
“Oh, honey. I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty about things.” He turned, and she hugged him tightly. Her eyes welled up with tears as she looked at him. “Gramps knew you loved him. He always talked about your ritual calls the morning after shows, he loved that you took the time to do that. He was so proud of you, Cal. You too, Connor. He loved his Sunday visits with you.”
Tears spilled down my cheeks anyway. I’d loved my Sunday visits with Gramps too, and I’d miss them. Desperately. Coming home wouldn’t feel the same.
Calum hugged our mother back and sighed, closing his eyes as he rested his chin on her head. He was so tall, just like Dad, a good head taller than Mom and me. “I’m still sorry for it.”
“We all could have done things differently; it doesn’t rest at just your feet,” she added, pulling back enough to send him a look that brooked no room for argument. “All we can do is do better now, love each other and forgive our past mistakes. It’s what Gramps would have wanted. It’s what I want too.”
Mom was tired of this divide, and so was I. We were both determined to stitch our family back together, but it’d take a miracle to get both my father and Calum to let go of their anger. They both needed to realize it came from a place of hurt and wasn’tactuallyanger, but heartbreak.
Even if we could mend the bridge between them, my revelations could very well blow it all up again.
* * *
