“I’m sure he would, but Grams lives two minutes away, and Cal—your dad is fifteen minutes away. We’ll see him today after school.”
“Do you love him still?” Asher asked, tilting his head. I froze, considering him. There wasn’t a point in lying about it. He’d pick up on it eventually if he hadn’t already.
“I do,” I answered honestly, my tone careful. “But it’s a little more complicated than that…”
“So does that mean we’re we going to move in with him?”
“Woah buddy, slow your roll.” I laughed. “You’re going to have a room there, and you’ll be able to visit whenever you want.”
“What about you? I want usbothto move in!” Asher said decisively, folding his arms in stubborn defiance.
“Don’t you like our house?” I gestured to it, unable to control feeling a little flash of hurt.
Sensing it, Asher relaxed his arms and stepped into the mudroom. “I love our house, Mom. But I love being together more. All three of us. If Dad moved in here, he’d hit his head on the stairs all the time, not just some of the time. There’s just not enough room for three, but it was perfect for two.”
I blinked at him, considering his words. “We’ll talk about it later…” Trailing off, I wondered how on earth I was supposed to explain it to him when I couldn’t even explain it to myself. I paused, hearing tires crunching over gravel. “Grams is here.”
He picked up his bag and flashed me an apologetic smile. Asher—much like his father—had a thousand different smiles, with a thousand different meanings. “See you later, Mom.” He wrapped his arms around my waist. I squeezed him back, letting go when his arms dropped.
“Love you!” I called after him, watching as he ran down the driveway.
“Love you, too!” He called back as he opened the back door, waving before climbing in and closing it behind him. Mom waved too, and I lifted my hand, mouthing the words,thank you. She nodded, putting her car in reverse, and backed out of my driveway.
Letting out a breath, I stepped into the mudroom and called CAA, requesting assistance. As soon as the agent assured me someone was on their way, I called Ellery to let her know I was running evenlaterthan I already was.
She laughed good-naturedly at me. “Take your time! Shelly seems to have a handle on it, and I’m here, too. Holly’s coming in at ten. Just know that I’ll be drilling the ever-livinghellout of you whenever you finally do arrive.”
“I’d expect no less,” I said, suppressing a smile.
“All right, see you soon. I’ve got a store to run.” Ellery teased, disconnecting the call.
Left alone with my thoughts, they picked up where they left off at three a.m.
Heaving a sigh, I turned my head, my gaze going to the kitchen island. Desire flickered low in my belly in remembrance.
It was hard to regret my decision to throw caution to the wind and let Calum in like that, but I’d shamelessly let my libido do the thinking for me. It had been a long time since I’d felt desire like that. Ten years, in fact. It waslongoverdue.
I dated, but I could never bring it past second base, as embarrassing as it was to admit. It was that whole lack of connection thing, that lack oftrustthing—it had been a killer for my libido.
But Cal…he awoke something voracious in me, even still. Our desire for one another had always been immense and bottomless.
It had feltamazingto have his arms around me once again, the comfort of a familiar desired touch. While he’d pushed inside me, he’d drove the hurt and the anger a little further out of my mind. With each thrust, each pass of his tongue over mine, he’d eased my contused heart.
Guilt dusted me in a thin coat of shame.
This reunion wasn’t supposed to be about Cal and me. Asher was the focus here, and he really was. He was elated at his father’s return and understandably wanted to spend every waking minute with him. But the more I indulged that, the deeperIfell, too.
Last night, I hadn’t wanted him to go, which is exactly why I let him. He’d dangled quite the carrot in front of me—brought me to a house so very much like the one we’d wistfully dreamed up in our youth. Just like before, he said and did everything right. Every glance, every touch, every word he spoke, made me fall even harder.
I couldn’t fight it; because he meant it. If he’d known, he would have come home a hell of a lot sooner. He regretted leaving, I could see it in his eyes, feel it in his touch, and see it in the way he acted with our son. He was here, now. To stay, it would appear.
And I…
Was I a stupid, foolish girl for handing over my trust so easily? For believing? For hoping? Once again, it was hard to decipher the Calum who left from the Calum who was here, now.
Crunching gravel alerted me to the CAA guy’s arrival, interrupting my ruminating and bringing me back to the problem at hand. I locked the door and stepped out of the mudroom, pulling the door shut behind me.
“Hi!” I said with relief, watching the guy grab his tools from the metal box on the side of his truck.
