“Oh.” To say I was surprised was avastunderstatement. I blinked stupidly at him. “You’re moving back?”
“Yeah,” he nodded slowly. “If you’re okay with that? I just thought it made sense to be close to…” He swallowed hard, his eyes flickering to the photos that lined my desk, his attention resting on the photograph of me holding Asher the day I brought him home from the hospital.
“But what about the band?” My question brought his eyes back to me. “What about Dare and Evan?”
“They’re on board with it. When we’re not on tour, we can be anywhere.” His explanation slashed into me, and I winced. Calum caught it, and the resounding pain flickered in his eyes. “I’ve missed out on so much, Harper, and I’m not going to let that happen anymore.”
This is good. He wants to be here for Asher, I told myself, trying to ignore the ache in my chest, trying to drown out the tiny voice ofwhy wasn’tIenough?
“Have you—have you told your parents yet?” I asked, pulling my gaze away from him. I needed to do something with my hands, so I picked up my coffee, held it and let it heat my palms. Without taking a sip, I set it back down again.
“Not yet.” My eyes lifted, narrowing at him while silent questions bubbled up. “Gramps’ funeral is tomorrow, and I didn’t want to start a battle with my dad right now. I don’t want Asher to meet everyone under those circumstances, anyway. I’d rather him hear about how awesome my Gramps was, not have his only memory being of him in a casket.”
Swallowing against the lump of emotion building in my throat, I nodded. Studying him, I took in the dark circles beneath his eyes. More guilt rose up in my chest, suffocating me. I’d never reached out to his family, even though his mother would have called him, because I hadn’t wanted to crawl back to them and have themforcehim to return. Calum had to come back on his own, and at first, I thought he would, eventually. I had the same phone number I’d always had, and I spent many months waiting for a text, a call—something.
While I waited, I built, too. I had to focus on my future, on building a life for Asher and me, and that meant Jane Eyre-ing it up—or trying to. I made my son and our life together my focus.
But my decision had robbed Asher of knowing his paternal great grandfather, and this unpleasant fact weighed heavily on my shoulders. “I’m sorry they never got the chance to meet.”
“Me too.”
Several beats of silence passed, wherein he watched me with unwavering intensity until I couldn’t take it anymore. I lifted my chin to meet his gaze head-on. “I talked to Asher last night…he’s looking forward to Saturday.”
“That’s great.” The smile that followed his words flooded through me and pierced my heart with an acute pain that made my eyes well up.
It was the same smile that I would dream about in the early days of my pregnancy when a part of me still thought he might come back, see me, and be happy about my rounding belly. It was the one that haunted me in my dreams. The ones where he’d stayed and was excited for our next chapter together.
There wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, either; the pain had cleaved through my defenses, exposing the hurt I always tried so hard to hide from everyone—myself included. I had to look away again, but I couldn’t hide it, not from the person who once knew me better than I knew myself.
After he left, I’d struggled so much to connect the Calum I’d fallen in love with to the Calum who’d left me like I’d meant nothing to him.
I thought I wouldn’t be able to recognize him when I saw him. I thought he would feel like a stranger, but he didn’t—so the hurt I felt caught me off guard and left me feeling vulnerable and susceptible.
From the corner of my eye, I saw him stand and heard his boots thud softly against the floor as he walked around my desk. I still couldn’t look at him, not even when he put his hand on the arm of my chair and pulled it out, swiveling it so that I was facing him.
He crouched before me and waited, his closeness leaving me no choice but to meet his searching cerulean eyes.
The tears I’d fought against slipped down my cheeks. I choked on a sob as he cupped my face, brushing the moisture away with his thumb. “Don’t cry, Harper.” I could hear it in his voice too. The same brokenness, the same regret. It cleaved through him just as surely as it cleaved through me.
There was no sense in trying to speak through the lump choking me. Leaning into his touch was second nature. It was something that had always felt so natural. I couldn’t fight doing it now, seeking the comfort he offered.
His hands were calloused from years of playing the guitar, but no touch had ever felt as good. Coming to my senses, I pulled back.
“I’m sorry, it’s just…” I paused, drawing in a breath to regain control of my shaky voice and emotions. His hand dropped to the arm of the chair. “It’s a lot, you know?”
“I do.” Calum nodded, pursing his lips, his eyes never wavering from mine. I could read it all within their depths, the hurt, the regret, and lurking beneath that—the love. He still looked at me the exact same way, and it still had the same effect on me. “But we’ll figure it out.”
I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs; his scent overpowered and overruled any sane thought I might have had. His gaze dropped to my lips, and I bit down, trying to drive sense back into my head.
All it did was light the spark between us. I watched the desire roll through him, heard it in his sharp intake of breath, saw it in the subtle way he licked his lips, and felt it in the air.
I blinked, forcing myself to look away from him; to escape the spell that engulfed my heart and my mind.
“I’m glad you are back, Cal, but…” I tried to align my thoughts. It was so hard to think with him so close to me. He stepped back, giving me the space he knew I needed, once again proving he could still read me.
I’d never been someone’s open book before, but I was still his. My breaths started to come quicker; the anxiety creeping up my esophagus.
“But what?” he prodded, bringing my focus to him.
