“We’ve only known each other for a couple of hours,” I pointed out, fighting a smile. The euphoric effects of that kiss still heavily upon me, and I felt almost incoherent. I was stumbling around my thoughts, trying to grasp ahold of them, trying to analyze them. “I just meant that I don’tusuallykiss boys that I’ve just met.”
He brought his hand up to cup my chin, gently holding it so I had no choice but to look up at him. “I only had to kiss you once to know that I don’t want to kiss anybody else, and I don’t want you to kiss anybody else either,” Calum said, his eyes reflecting his sincerity.
I was about to respond smartly to his line, even though his words made my heart palpitate— when he ran his thumb over my lips. My smart remarks dissipated on my tongue as he silenced my hesitation with another kiss, just as earth-shattering as the first one.
I melted against him, taking everything he gave, and giving it back. It was a language that should have been unfamiliar, but somehow—I could speak it fluently.
I awoke with a jolt, sitting up quickly in bed to get my bearings. Moonlight poured in through my windows, casting a glow on the cream walls of my bedroom. I watched the beams, slowing my breathing and working to still my heart.
The dreams that were memories stung the most, and tonight’s dream was particularly jarring. It was as if my subconscious mind tormented me even in my sleep, reminding me how good it had once been, when it could never be that way again.
Worse was the lingering hollow ache between my thighs, which pulsed more fervently the more I stewed about seeing him again, and it only served to anger me more.
My desire for Calum Jacobs had never quietened; it had never lessened in any capacity, and I’d been a fool to think it had.
I blamed myself, of course. Perhaps if I’d tried a little harder to fall for someone else, I wouldn’t be contending with these heady emotions. I was certain they were fueled by loneliness, spurred by the fact that nobody knew my body likehedid.
Frustrated, I rolled over, closing my lids tightly and pleading with the sleep gods for a few more hours of rest.
But sleep didn’t come; just thought after thought, whirling and quickening, one after the other, as if my brain had been jolted awake with an electrical shock. My head pounded with exhaustion, and my body pleaded for sleep, but my mind wouldn’t release from its repetition.
As the minutes ticked closer to seven, I rolled over and reached for my cell phone. It rested face down on the end table, so the notifications wouldn’t light up the room and disturb me while I tried to sleep.
After tucking Asher in, I read the last text Calum sent over and over again until my eyes blurred with exhaustion.I’ve never forgotten. I must have mulled over those three words forhours, questioning their meaning, questioning my obsession with their meaning.
The girl inside me, the girl who once fell for a boy on a beach eleven years ago, desperately hoped for something the woman I was now knew was unrealistic and fanciful.
To my astonishment, three dots appeared in the chat window. Calum was up, too—and typing a message. After a moment, the three dots disappeared, as if he’d deleted it all. They came back, promptly disappearing for a second time, and I chewed on my lower lip in deliberation.
Part of me wanted to reach out and ask him if he was okay. He’d lost his grandfather and found out about his son all in one week. It had to be a lot to take in. But when the three dots disappeared for a final time and stayed gone, I lost my nerve. I didn’t know how to reach out to him, and I didn’t know what to say to make any of this less painful…for either of us.
Harper
Just after nine, I pushed through the bookstore doors and headed straight to the café, my boots dragging against the hardwood floor. A glass of water and Advil had chased away the pounding headache from lack of sleep, but I desperately needed caffeine.
“Hey,” Ellery greeted me, casting a fleeting glance that held some concern before resuming her task of caffeinating me, like the good friend she was. I hummed in response, accepting the paper cup gratefully. She smiled sympathetically, waiting until I’d had a couple of sips to press for more. “How’d the talk with Asher go?”
“Surprisingly well.” Drawing my bottom lip in, I chewed on it thoughtfully before continuing. “Calum is coming over for dinner Saturday night, and Asher’s really excited about it.”
“This Saturday night?” she responded with surprise, her brow furrowing.
“Yeah.” I paused, hesitating. “Why? Is that too soon?”
“No, not at all.”
“Am I doing the right thing, Ellery? Letting him come back like this?” I asked, my voice lined with uncertainty.
“Well, that depends. Who are you doing this for?”
I frowned. “For Asher, of course. It feels wrong to keep them apart, but I guess I’m just worried…” I trailed off, not voicing the rest of that thought…that he’d choose music over Asher, the way he’d chosen music over me.
“That he’ll bail again?” Ellery finished for me, her eyes softening. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, Harper.”
“What makes you say that?” I demanded, needing more reassurance. I knew I wouldn’t get any from my parents, who’d likely argue with my decision to let Calum meet Asher so quickly after his return—which was precisely why I hadn’t told them.
They would want me to wait, to make sure that he was serious with his intentions. But IknewCalum, and his reaction to the news had felt authentic. He was stricken, and he seemed to genuinely want to get to know Asher…but still, I was scared. Terrified. My safe little world had been obliterated with his return.
She shrugged, straightening and offering me a mischievous grin. “I just know.” I rolled my eyes, unable to fight the exasperated smile off. “All I’m saying is that it doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere.”
