As I followed Sue into the Armstrong’s house, I couldn’t help but wonder what Mom would think of Travis, of us. Would she be happy aboutit?
Sue went to the refrigerator and began to grab things we would need for the salad. I rinsed the lettuce, tomatoes and radishes while she started chopping some greenonions.
I’d been in the Armstrong’s kitchen a few times before, when Tessa had insisted we join them for holidays, and I’d always found it warm and welcoming. It was impossible not to feel that sense of home, here, so I set to my task andrelaxed.
“Did you two have a good night last night?” Sue asked casually, effectively slicing through myease.
I froze, looking at her warily. “What do youmean?”
“I wasn’t drinking all that much,” she informed me, a knowing little smile on her lips. “I saw a lot more than everyone thought I saw,” she added with a laugh. My mouth opened and closed like a fish, as I searched for something tosay.
“Don’t worry, I know how you Millers like your privacy…your secret is safe with me,” Sue said after I’d taken too long to respond. She went about chopping the radishes. “But, I will say that I’m happy to see it. It’s about time you let someone else in. I know you’ve had a rough past, but you aren’t meant for a spinster’s life, and I’d hate to see you reduced tothat.”
I’d always admired Sue Thompson. She didn’t need a man, and never had. It had always been just her and Elle. I’d wanted to be like her, content with my family and friendships, and in a lot of ways…Iwas.
But Travis had unlocked something inside me, a hope that I couldn’t seem to push backinside.
Sue seemed to be waiting for me to say something, so I cleared my throat. “We’re just seeing how things go, fornow.”
“Playing it safe,” she nodded with understanding, dropping the freshly chopped radishes into the salad. “But don’t play ittoosafe, youhear?”
“Okay,” I said, confounded. I wasn’t used to parental advice. Mom had never been one to tell us how tolive.
“He’s a good man,” Sue informed me. “I know his mother, we went to middle school together, and we’ve kept in touch over the years,” she added, seeing the confusion on myface.
“I know he is,” Ireplied.
Sue smiled with satisfaction, grabbing the large salad bowl. She gestured to the mason jar of homemade dressing on the counter with a tilt of her head. “Mind grabbing that forme?”
Since my conversation with Sue in the Armstrong’s kitchen, my mind wouldn’t quit spinning and spiraling in millions of interwoven paths, filtering from one concern to thenext.
When I sank into the plush sofa in Dr. Rootham’s office on the Wednesday after the wedding, so many things ensnared my mind, and I couldn’t pause them, no matter how badly I wanted to. They came out in a muddled rush while I recounted the last few weeks, barely pausing to take abreath.
After getting through a huge chunk of my mental list, Dr. Rootham made me expand on my developingfeelings.
“When I’m with him, I can trust him. There’s just little moments that sting, little waves of insecurity that make me question what we’re doing,” I finished, wondering if anything that I’d said during the course of our half hour had made any sense at all. But, when I looked at Dr. Rootham, she was nodding withunderstanding.
“Trust takes time to build,” she assured me. “Open communication is important, have you told him about Richie yet? Yourfears?”
I winced, thinking about how I’d shut him out yet again. It hadn’t been intentional, of course, but between my work schedule, Aiden’s soccer, and my moody younger brother—we hadn’t been able to get together since the night of thewedding.
We’d texted and spoken on the phone several times a day, but it wasn’t enough…and it didn’t feel right, talking about those things on the phone. I’d hoped I would be able to see him at least once, but Braden hadn’t been doing too well either, and the knowledge of that sat heavily on my shoulders. I was genuinely worried abouthim.
Elle had gone back to Barrie after the wedding. At first, he’d believed she was tying up loose ends and that she’d be back in a few days. But she didn’t come back when she said she was going to, and she hadn’t returned any of his phonecalls.
I couldn’t get away, but I also couldn’t invite Travis to my place and run the risk of Braden coming home. It was important to me to tell Brock first, before anybody else foundout.
But the clock was ticking, and our opportunity to spend time together was dwindling, and I was toblame.
“I’ll take that as a no,” Dr. Rootham summarized from my body language. Her eyes drilled into mine, willing me to listen…to hear. “You’ve come so far, Becky. The effort you’ve put into your recovery is astonishing, but it still seems like you’re punishing yourself for falling for anabuser.”
“I am,” I nodded, not even bothering to resist the truth of her statement. “If I knew how to stop it, I would…but…” I trailed off, shrugging helplessly. I’ve always been exceptionally hard on myself, I’ve always shouldered the blame…tried to carry it myself. It was who I was even before Richie, before he dismantled my heart and myspirit.
“When you find yourself thinking that way…try to redirect your thoughts,” she urged. “You persevered. You came out of a horribly traumatic situation a stronger person, a person who knows what they will and will not tolerate from a prospective partner. Trust your intuition,Becky.”
Travis
Ihad been hitwith a wave of inspiration after my night with Becky. That night, spent with her in my arms, in my bed, had felt so…intimate. Soright.
