I knew I should walk away, give her time to think about the things that I’d said and meant with every fibre of my heart and soul. I knew I should step back and give her time to work out what she felt for me and what she wanted.
I swallowed hard, tilting my head. The corner of my mouth shot up in a smirk. I could practically hear her thoughts spinning. “Let me know when you figure it out,” I told her as I brought my fingers up to sweep across her pouty lips.
“You’re such an asshole,” she seethed, finally using her palms to push me away. I watched as she walked back down the alley, her hands clenched into angry fists. Her dress was so short, it barely reached mid-thigh.
When she’d disappeared around the corner of the building, I let myself fall back against the wall, using it to support my weight. I was hard in the worst way. It had taken all of my restraint and control not to shove her back up against the wall and sink into her. I knew she wanted it just as much as I did—but I couldn’t let her do that. I couldn’t let her sleep with me when she was still tethered to someone else—even if her heart wasn’t with him.
I pulled my pack of smokes out of my pocket and grabbed one with shaky fingers, lighting it. The nicotine did nothing to ease my taste for her, but I smoked it anyway, needing a moment to collect myself and my thoughts.
* * *
That night, the guys in the wedding party all crashed at Brock’s cabin while the bridesmaids crashed at the Armstrong’s farm. I had no idea what kind of shenanigans the girls were getting into, but the guys were drunk by nine. All of them—even Brock was a little tipsy. I’d practically poured the bottles down his throat myself, refusing to allow him another night of sacrificing fun to make me feel more comfortable.
Thanks to Elle, I was comfortable. Or at least, comfortable enough. I’d picked up more of the alcohol free beers she’d bought for me during the bachelor party and I found that by having them in my hands, the thirst didn’t bother me as much.
When mostly everyone was sawing logs in the cabin, Brock walked up and threw his arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go fishing,” he said, his eyes sparkling.
“It’s nearly one in the morning,” I pointed out. “You’re getting married today.”
“I know,” he grinned, jostling me a little. “I still want to go fishing,” he added. Releasing me, Brock grabbed his fishing gear and I followed suit. We grabbed some bait and climbed into the boat. Brock waited for Hunter to jump in before he pushed away from the dock and started the engine.
We traveled out to one of the best fishing spots on the lake, guided by the light of the moon. We didn’t talk as we baited our hooks. Brock’s gaze remained fixated on the water after we’d cast our lines and got comfortable.
“Are you nervous?” I asked. He swallowed hard, taking several long minutes to respond.
“A little,” he confessed, tossing a wry smile at me. I knew from the hard set of his jaw that Brock was thinking about the same thing I was thinking about—our parents.
“It’s not going to be the same,” I assured him, reeling my line in a little. “You’re not him. If anybody’s like him, it’s me.”
“That’s not true,” Brock argued, his eyebrows drawing in together as he scowled at me.
“You and I both know it’s true. I’m the most like him. I’m an alcoholic and I hurt the people I love.”
“You’re arecoveringalcoholic. You’ve been sober for three and a half years now, Braden. You have more strength than he ever had. And yeah, maybe you fucked things up with Elle all those years ago, but you never physically laid a hand on her. You never emotionally berated her. When she was yours, you loved her good. You still love her good. You were just immature and hurting. But you’re man enough to know your mistakes and to try and make it right again, which is more than we can say he did.”
I said nothing. I had no response. I was kind of speechless. I didn’t think of myself as the strong one in the family. My siblings had been dealt the exact same cards I’d been dealt, and worse. Becky had ended up in an abusive relationship that had landed her in the hospital and Aiden had nearly lost his life because of it. Brock had gone to jail for beating the crap out of the guy that put our sister and nephew in the hospital.
Despite all they’d been through, they were doing amazing. Becky was loving her job as a nurse at the hospital, and she was raising a kick ass kid on her own. She never wavered. Even though I knew she got lonely sometimes, she never let it drag her down and she certainly never let Aiden in on it. The only reason I could recognize it in her was because it lived in me too.
Brock had made something of himself despite going to jail. He had a steady job, a great income, a beautiful home, and he’d fallen in love and was about to marry a stellar girl. One day, he’d have kids of his own too.
Becky and Brock had risen above their circumstances, and I was just…stuck. Stuck at my old job and stuck in my old life without the added benefit of having Elle in my arms.
“I mean it,” Brock’s hand squeezed my shoulder. He left his hand there for a moment, and patted me once before removing it.
“Thanks,” I exhaled. We fell silent again, listening to the soft call of the loon. “I almost kissed her tonight.”
“Braden,” Brock sighed.
“I know,” I interrupted him, almost glaring at him. “I didn’t, I almost did…came bloody close to it…but she’s with someone else. She wants me as much as I want her, but she’s too scared to trust me. I did that.”
“Yes you did,” he agreed, his expression solemn. He ran a hand through his hair. It was long enough that the ends brushed against his shoulders. I’d been surprised that Tessa hadn’t put pressure on him to trim it, but she liked it the length that it was. “I think you just need to back off. Give her time to decide what she wants.”
“I know,” I pursed my lips. “That’s the plan. I’ve put the ball in her court, and it’s up to her now. She knows where to find me, I’ll be here.” I sighed, reeling my line completely in and recasting further out.
* * *
Brock and I fished on the lake for another forty-five minutes before heading back to the cabin and crashing. Six o’clock came with a vengeance, and the morning passed in a chaotic blur. Wedding photographers snapped photographs of us getting ready, and at one point, Brock nearly lost it when he couldn’t find his tie.
