"Nah, man. Some guys are into it. Ethan loves when I?—"
"La La La, not listening!"
Tyler throws a pillow at me. "You literally just asked!"
"Changed my mind. Some things best friends don't need to share. And the whole house has heard you to fucking… Don't pretend like you didn't know." I wave my finger at him, "Remember, we all had to buy noise-canceling headphones because of how much you… You know.. to Ethan."
His mock bow tells me exactly how much he doesn't care that we've all heard just how good he makes Ethan feel.
We're quiet for a moment, then Tyler asks, "So what happened? You said Rex mentioned you have a crush, which means… What changed?"
I groan, remembering Tuesday night. "He... might have told me he likes me."
"Might have?"
"Did. Definitely did. In my truck after axe throwing."
"And you said...?"
"Nothing. I fucking froze, Ty. He's telling me he talks to his roommates about me, about my 'good hands,' and I just..." I mime my brain exploding.
"Oh, G."
"I know. I fucked up."
"Why'd you freeze?"
The question sits heavy because I know why. Have been trying not to think about why.
"My dad," I admit quietly. "Started thinking about what he'd say. How he'd react. Whether I'm ready to lose my family over this."
Tyler moves to the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees. "Your dad's an asshole."
"Yeah."
"But he doesn't get to decide who you are."
"I know that. Logically. But when Seb was sitting there, being brave enough to admit he likes me, all I could hear was Dad's voice. All the shit he used to say about—" I swallow. "Doesn't matter."
"It does matter." Tyler's voice is firm. "But it doesn't have to control you."
"How'd you do it? With your parents?"
"Well, Mom hasn't come around yet… but that's on her. Dad—" Tyler laughs and rubs a hand on the back of his neck. "Dad just asked if Ethan treats me right." He shrugs. "Got lucky there."
"Yeah."
"But it doesn't matter, G, I still would've chosen to be myself. Because the alternative is what? Pretending forever?"
He's right. I know he's right. "Doc probably thinks I'm not interested now."
"So tell him you are."
"It's not that simple. What if I'm just... experimenting? What if I hurt him?"
Tyler studies me. "Do you think you're experimenting?"
I think about Doc's laugh. His hands on that axe. The way he lights up talking about medicine. How I want to know every thought in his head.
