“I’m not freaked out!”
Silence. Daniel didn’t dignify this statement with an answer.
“Fine. I might be a tiny bit—agitated.”
“Go on.”
“What would you say if I told you I’m thinking about moving in with Andi?”
“That you should probably ask him first?”
“Ha-ha. Assume consent has been given.”
“Then I’d say ‘finally,’ brother. You’ve been heading in that direction since you met him.” Daniel sounded very matter-of-fact.
“You wouldn’t think it strange? Or inappropriate? Or, I don’t know, unadvisable?”
“George, you need to enlighten me. Do you want me to talk you out of it or reassure you it’s a great idea?” If there was a hint of laughter in Daniel’s voice, George chose to ignore it. Had to be the beer.
“I don’t know! That’s why I’m calling you. Because I can’t think straight and it’s driving me crazy!”
“Calm down! I’m going to be your voice of reason, okay?”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but please.”
“Love you too, bro. Love you too. Anyway, let’s look at the facts. You’ve been drawn to Andi since the day you met him. He’s like the flame to your moth, appealing to your protective nature. That’s perfectly normal and to be expected. Since you still haven’t told me what exactly his deal is, I have to assume his position in your partnership, but so far I haven’t gotten the impression he’s some damsel in distress. Whatever he brings to the table is good enough to strengthen your bond beyond your need to take care of him. Now tell me, are you sexually attracted to him?”
George hesitated. It was a complicated question. He never discriminated when it came to his partners in bed, but then again, that was just about scratching a biological itch. It had never involved a complicated, multilayered connection he couldn’t even begin to grasp because every day he found something new, not to mention all the (tiny) variables out of his control. Objectively, Andi wasn’t the type George would have gone for. He wasn’t hung up on looks; it was more Andi’s prickly nature, combined with the lack of care he had for his appearance. Before he met his partner, George had always thought it showed little self-respect, something he didn’t want any part of. After getting to know Andi, he was now ashamed of his earlier assumption. Andi’s appearance had nothing to do with lack of self-respect and everything to do with simply not having the energy for dealing with something so mundane and, ultimately, superfluous as appearances. It made George want to apologize to everybody he had judged in the past. When he thought of Andi, sex had become part of it some time ago, but never in a prominent role. George instinctively realized it was just a facet of what they were building. Whether he liked it or not, at the core of it would always be Andi’sgeschenk—it was the deciding factor, shaping everything and everybody in Andi’s vicinity. George knew it was his job to make sure it didn’t take over all the other parts, consuming Andi in the process. Sex with him would be—desirable, as part of the physical bond they were forming through constant touch. It wasn’t the main prize, though.
“Uh, George? Are you still there?”
George startled from the maelstrom of thoughts he had been sucked into. “Oh, yeah, yeah. Still there. Just thinking about your question.”
“If it takes that long, it’s more complicated than I thought. You should probably talk to Mom.”
“And tell her I’m seriously thinking about starting something with a colleague?”
“Brother, I hate to break this to you, but it seems to me, youarealready in a relationship with Andi. No thinking about it. More like realizing it.”
And just like that, Daniel (or the beer, George wasn’t sure which one) had answered his question. Even if there hadn’t been any sex yet, even if there wouldn’t be any sex in the near future, or the future in general, he already had left the partnership part behind and was in a very serious relationship with Andi. Now all he had to do was find out if Andi knew it as well.
“Thank you, Daniel. You actually helped me here.”
“Don’t sound so surprised. I’m counselor material!”
“I wouldn’t go that far. Enjoy your beer and have a good party.”
“Thanks, bro. Will do. Take care of your man.”
Daniel hung up. George stared at his cell for a few minutes, trying to get his thoughts in order.
“George, are you coming?” Andi called from upstairs. George felt a smile on his face.
“On my way!”
16. Making Headway
ANDI WOKEup to the smell of coffee wafting through the air and the happy agitation of the silverfish in the kitchen. George was in a much better mood than the day before, where he had been all tension and stress. Andi hated it when George couldn’t calm down. He was aware that he was adding to his partner’s burden, and it irked him when he couldn’t do anything about it. Knowing that they were both at capacity concerning their levels of stress didn’t help him with his guilt.
