“Niko...no, I said...I don’t do gifts or...”
“Yes, honey, you do,” he tells me softly, stopping by the fireplace to hold me close as he continues. “You create gifts everysingle day at the flower shop. Beautiful things that bring joy or peace to the people who need it most the moment they need it. That is a gift. Nova, honey you are a gift. I’ve never gotten such a gift before. YoudoChristmas with me, and that is enough. We can celebrate just the two of us.”
“What do you mean? Your sister and the kids....”
“They will have their Christmas together at her place. If we want, we can go join them. If we don’t.... then we don’t.”
His words hit me as if they were actual blows. How could he even think I would stand in the way of him spending the holiday with them? I would never do that to him or to the kids. Instead of the assurance his suggestion might be about, I am hurt by his words.
Stepping back from him, I shake my head. Tears blur my vision. I have no right to ruin his holiday or theirs. No right to pin my hurt and loneliness on him or anyone else. No one did this to me. It is no one’s fault that I hate holidays. That I spent the last several wallowing in my own misery.
“No.No, I can’t...youcannotdo that. Not forme. I won’t be a reason for you or for anyone else on the holidays. I....I need to go. I can’t be here.”
Twisting from him, I rush towards the door, stumbling over my boots as I try to tug them on. My hands are shaking. Tears are streaming down my face. I am reminded of last winter when I tried to surprise my brother just to find him with my best friend. The last two people I had in the world had avoided me to celebrate the holiday together.
It was always the one thing we did together after we lost our parents. No matter what was going on, we spent Christmas together. We would make each other gifts if we couldn’t afford something. Oaklin was there for some of those holidays because she was my best friend. I could not have known that the two ofthem were falling in love with each other right in front of me.
I was selfish to shut them out. They never meant to hurt me. I can accept that now, I believe it now. At the time, I was thinking about myself, about my loneliness, my own pain. Oaklin was my best friend. There was never a time she was not there for me. It was wrong of me to refuse to do the same for her. Now I am weighed down with guilt, with regret, and with shame.
“Nova, honey, you’re not going anywhere. Not this time. You belong here, with me. We both know that,” his voice is firm, unwavering as his big body cages mine against the door.
“I never said I belonged here,” I shoot back as I go for the door.
Niko shocks me, spinning me from the door, hauling me over his shoulder and stomping towards the stairs. I wriggle and squirm, even as I am smiling against his shoulder. This is an unexpected development, but I do not mind. He strides towards the bedroom, flipping me on my back on the bed.
Looming over me, he tears off the sweater and jeans he just put back on downstairs. Then without a word, he yanks at my leggings, pulls at my own sweater, tossing all of it aside without a care. I stare up at him in the late afternoon sun, stunned by how beautiful he is.
Does this sweet, golden retriever, good taste guy, who loves to celebrate every single thing he can really want me?
“Youdefinitelysaid you belong here, Nova. Not with words. Because we’re careful with words. Honey, you said it the day we met. You called me Peter Pan, with my two lost boys. I told you that you were my Wendy, didn’t I? What do you think that means for me, Nova?”
Blinking up at him, I shake my head. Because wehavebeen careful with words, I have not let myself think about that. Being Wendy to his Peter Pan. What it could mean to him.“What...what does it mean?”
“It means I want to grow up with you, honey. I will never give up celebrating birthdays or anniversaries. Each Christmas and Thanksgiving will be just as big as they were before. Just not at the cost of you hurting. I made a promise to you, Nova. To give you some magic back. Put that sparkle back.”
I cannot find an argument, so I just smile as he crawls over me on the bed. He grins back as he hoists me up, making me laugh as I sit astride his powerful thighs. Reaching towards the bedside table, he grabs something. I frown until he presses a button on the little remote. The curtains to the two windows spilling light in go dark as shutters fall slowly.
“What is this?” I wonder as I laugh, watching the room darken.
Grinning at me in the darkness, he hits another button. String lights hanging from the ceiling and walls light the room in a soft glow. On the back of the bed hang more lights, these ones bright rainbow colors. It is beautiful but I have no idea how he had the time to do it.
“While you were at the shop, I realized our bedroom needed a little something,” he answers my unasked question with a huge smile.
“This is a lot of something,” I muse, combing my fingers through his hair. “And I love it. It is beautiful, baby,” I whisper as emotion floods me.
“Youare beautiful, baby. I said I never need another gift, and I meant it. You’re the gift of a lifetime. I am so blessed, so damn glad I needed something special for my sister. Because I found something special in you.”
My chest swells with emotion, with the love that I feel for him. The love I never thought I would feel for anyone. I cut people out, I shut down celebrating life, and I regret it now. How much good have I missed out on? What memories could I havemade, who could I have let in my life?
“I am blessed,” I whisper back, brushing my mouth over his. “I might have missed this, missed you and those cute kids, and this cute Christmas, because I was afraid of hurting again. But I almost missed feeling this.”
“Not missing a thing now, I promise you,” he swears against my lips.
Lying me back on the bed, he kisses me until the world begins to spin. Lit up by the pretty lights, he is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I stare up at him in the darkness, knowing that I am safe with him. That I can hurt at Christmas time, I can mourn the loss of what I once had before we lost my parents, and I can still celebrate.
The room is glowing, and I can still hear Christmas music playing downstairs. Lacing our hands together, he tangles them up in the colorful lights as he pushes inside me slowly. It was good earlier, good the first time we made love, but this time it is different.
Tangled up in the lights and the sheets, it feels as if we’re in a new world. One where all the humbug I tried to hide behind for so long is gone. A place where I do feel safe, where I do feel happier than I ever have, where I want to celebrate him and the good things in my life. My shop, my few friends, this wonderful man and his family, and even my own family.
