I won’t be good without seeing him either.
“I missed you too,” I admit, wanting to give him something.
Niko sighs and draws me even closer somehow. Neither of us seem to notice the shopping crowds, the cluster of carolers on the corner closest to us, or the clang of the donation bell a hearty Stanta is ringing.
I am hit with a rush of nostalgia about shopping for gifts, wrapping them while Christmas songs play, and baking sweets from my mother’s hand-written recipes. Why did I turn my back on a holiday I loved so much?
Can Niko make me want to celebrate it again? Can he make me want to celebrate life?
“Good. Then we’re both suffering,” he teases, kissing my neck gently as he pulls back to smirk at me.
“Nova! Nova! We’re going shopping! You’re coming too?”
Blinking down at the twirling, twisting toddlers who appear out of nowhere, I laugh. Not fair. He has two extra doses of cute with him. How can I tell a little girl who is beaming up at me, excited about the same things I was once excited about, that no, the holidays suck, and I am a bah-humbug?
“If you two approve,” Niko responds before I can deny or agree. “I would never ask Nova to share me with you two,” he teases, winking at me.
Inside my cold, still chest, my heart melts. There is something in that smile, in the sparkle in his eye that tells me he would gladly be shared. Him offering me an out is kind of him. There is no way I can say no to either of them. Nodding my head,my chest blooms with heat as his smile lights up his entire stupid handsome face.
“Yeah? You want to come with us, honey? We’re on the hunt for the perfect gifts for my sister. Those flowers were strictly a birthday gift.”
“Sutton deserves a good gift putting up with you,” I tease him.
There in the cool afternoon sunshine, Niko tosses his head back to laugh. His throat works, one of his arms banding tighter around me. His laughter rumbles against my back and I am so pleased, so at peace being so close to him, feeling and hearing his soft laughter. I have no defense for this man. From the first moment he walked into my flower shop, the iciness I have clung to as a shield, as protection, has started to melt bit by bit.
“That she does, honey. Come on, let’s go get my sister something she won’t forget.”
Holding his hand out, he watches me for a moment. Giving me another out. I sigh, shaking my head as I smile back at him. Sliding my hand into his, I nod once again. I am going to go shopping with him and his niece and nephew. I know next to nothing about his sister Sutton, but if she created these adorable creatures, and tolerates her intolerable brother, she does deserve something special if you ask me.
With our laced hands swinging between us, we follow the kids’ lead. They first head for a toy store, which he allows. He whispers to me that he wants to see what sorts of things they get excited about. What better way to get the perfect gift for them.
“Oh, this is so pretty,” Ava gushes as she stops to stare at a doll. It is pretty, and in fact, it looks much like her. Shining dark hair, bright blue eyes, an impish smile, and it stands as tall as she does in a western era dress.
“It is pretty,” I agree with her, the two of us sharing a smile.“Does that mean you’re all about cowboys and cowgirls?”
“Oh, yes, I love horses! I want to ride one!”
“I did not know that.” Niko replies with a frown. “What else have you been keeping from me? Have you begun driving? Got a boyfriend?”
Ava laughs at him the cutest, softest little laugh and I can’t help but join. Niko grins at me, winking as he drops down to her level. They chat for a moment about boyfriends and her making sure he approves of them first. My heart melts a little more as I watch them chat and laugh together, Niko talking to her as if she is his best friend.
Evan tugs at my hand, then wiggles his little wrists at me when I glance down at him. I panic for a moment. He wants me to hold him. Pick him up and hold him while we shop. I start to think of excuses not to, of a way out, until he smiles and flexes his chubby little hands once more. Then I bend, scooping him up and propping him at my hip.
“What’s going on little Nibs?” I whisper, cocking my head at him. His eyes light up when I use the nickname Niko does with him.
“I want monkey,” he whispers back, even hiding the secret behind his little hand. Uh, yes, heartentirelymelted. Damn Niko and his Lost Boys.
“That is what you want for Christmas? What sort of monkey?”
Evan considers this, looking thoughtful before he answers. “I want a blue one. Blue monkey.”
Seeming pleased with his answer, he nods and smiles. Then he wiggles a little before he nestles against me, burrowing his face in my shoulder. For a moment, I wait for the panic to hit. The unease. Surely, he should not be so comfortable with me. And I should definitely not like holding him this way, his littletoddler hand brushing at my purple hair.
Gaze flying to Niko, I am still waiting for that panic. He stands watching us, something shimmering in those ice blue eyes of his. I cannot figure what it is so I stare at him, as if he will tell me what is going on in his head. But no, he just smiles and nods his head, as if deciding something with as much certainty as Evan is about his blue monkey.
Bouncing my shoulder because I am surprisingly unbothered, I follow him through the store as we let the kids dream and play. Evan sticks close to my side, either climbing me like a little monkey himself, or hanging on my leg as Niko keeps our hands tightly woven between us.
Christmas shopping used to be my favorite thing to do. It has been a long time since I even considered hitting the shops for gifts. Somehow, doing it with Niko and his niece and nephew comes easier than I expect. It might be because the kids have such wonder left in them. Or because he has wonder left too and hearing him talk about celebrating as often as he can melts a little more of my ice-cold heart.
