“What if I don’t want them to? I want you to myself,” I admit softly, staring down at her, hoping she sees how much I mean it.
“Can’t turn them away now, Niko. Besides, who said you do not have me to yourself?”
Yeah, that’s it, I amdone.I am head over heels for Nova. Bending my head, I kiss her again, ignoring the knocks and the playful shouts from the other side of the door that won’t quit. Finally, I let her go to answer the door.
“We’re here!”
Ava shouts this as she rushes past me, Evan on her heels as they race towards the tree. They stop once they see Nova. I watch her kneel down to talk to them, my chest warming as my heart doubles at the sight. They laugh with her, talking a mile-a-minute about the party, the snacks, and Santa.
Before I can rescue her, Sutton bustles past me, arm loaded down with more food and gifts. Without waiting for me to introduce her to Nova, she heads right for her. I start to cut her off but before I can, Tanner and Tillie come in. Tanner guides me over to the table with the food, adding some of Tillie’shomemade sweets to it, as he always does.
In no time at all, others come flood in, filling the cabin up fast. Solo and Selena come in with their son, Silas, who is followed by Mason, Tanner and Tillie’s son. Laughter and quiet chatter fill the cabin as I stay by the door, welcoming the flood of friends coming in.
Before I know it, the skies have fallen dark, and the cabin is full of some of the most important people in my life. Sutton and I will go with the kids to my parents’ place in town, but for now this is our Christmas together. I greet Jet and Chevi Maverick, friends I have worked on auto builds with, as well as Bentley and Nikki Lane, other partners from Chevi’s auto boutique firm.
“How’s shop up here, brother?” Bentley wonders as he grabs us both a whiskey.
“Doing well, things have been going well this winter,” I answer, sipping the whiskey as I try to locate my girl.
Slowly, I scan the crowded cabin, suddenly second-guessing hosting the party here. Each year it has grown as our friendships have grown with the guys from Foxtrot Freight here in town, and Felle Landings in Driftwood. I might believe the more the merrier, but it might be too much for Nova.
“Your girl is looking for you,” Sutton’s voice calls before she nudges me off to chat with Bentley and Nikki.
Scanning the room again, I start to panic when I do not see her. If I left her alone too long, she might have bailed on me. I wouldn’t blame her. I weave through the crowd, my panic rising slowly with each hello and well-wishing that is not from her. My heart is thundering in my chest, my gaze growing almost frantic until, at last, I see her.
My pretty flower is tucked in a corner, away from the crowd. There is so much sadness about her gaze when it meets mine. Not just the sadness in her eyes, it's in the downturn of her pretty mouth, in the way her curvy body is hiding from the restof the room. Looking for an escape, looking for a way out of this. Out of something I never should have demanded she be part of.
“Hey, honey,” I whisper gently, bending to press a soft kiss to her temple. I draw her close to my side. Well, hell; she isshakingas she stands here all alone. I abandoned her while I made the rounds and played host. “I am so sorry. I got lost for a moment. I should have stuck with you.”
“I am fine. I am,” she mutters even as her hands tremble as I take them in mine. “Everything is fine.”
“Honey, talk to me. Tell me what it is. How can I make it better?”
Nova stares up at me, but it is as if she cannot see me at all. There is a faraway look in her pretty eyes. I move closer, blocking her from the rest of the party, trying too late to protect her. What the hell was I thinking? I had to know there was a reason she did not celebrate. Something that could rattle her the way it obviously has, and I just let her fend for herself while I played the big party guy who takes care of everyone.
What I should have been doing was taking care of my pretty flower.
“I should not have come,” she whispers, bowing her head shamefully. “I know better. This is just...this is all a bad idea.”
That panic I felt before, when I could not find her, explodes inside of me. Does she mean the two of us when she says this is all a bad idea? No, she cannot mean that. Weare nota bad idea. Being with her is the best idea I’ve ever had. It might be too early to tell her how much I care about her, how important she has become to me—but it is not a bad idea to feel what I do.
“I never should have left you alone. I won’t again. It is not a bad idea to be here to celebrate. We can celebrate anything you want, Nova. It does not have to be Christmas or Hannukah or anything you do not want to celebrate. I just want you here with me,” I tell her gently as I cradle her face in my own shakinghands. I am afraid she is going to walk out of here today and never let me see her again. I am not sure that I can handle that.
“This is me, Niko, my own issues, my own troubles,” she mutters, shaking her head as she backs up against the corner even more. “I never should have pretended I could do this. It is just....”
“Tell me, Nova. Tell me what it is, tell me how I can make it better.”
Nova’s chin lifts, eyes blazing as they stare up at me. I screwed up. I should have held her hand to keep her at my side or thrown the entire party out the moment I knew something was wrong. It was there, bothering me, even as I greeted everyone and played the good host, it was there.
For a moment, I am afraid she won’t even answer me. That she will continue to keep me out. I would not blame her for shutting down on me. I promised I would not make this hard for her. That I would be at her side. I broke my promise.
It will be the last promise I ever break.
“Niko,” her eyes go soft as her voice trembles. Sailing past me, she takes in the entire crowd, the lights, the presents, her breath shuddering. “I do notdoChristmas...celebrate it...because I lost everything on Christmas. My parents died on Christmas Eve so...it was hard for us to celebrate for a while. We did the best we could together...until...it was hard before...well, last year he just...he ruined it all. Now I am just...I don’t want it. To celebrate, to pretend life is about comfort or joy because it is not. It is discomfort, pain, loss and loneliness.”
Inside my chest, my heart stills before it breaks in half. My poor little flower. “Oh, honey.... I am so fucking sorry. I can’t even...” Trailing off, I lower my head to touch my brow to hers.
“I can’t be here. I... I need to go.Please, I need to get out of here,” her words are broken, panicked, and I can do nothing to fix it. Not yet, not after I made her come here and face thiswithout knowing what she was facing. How could I have been so selfish? What the hell was I thinking?
