Spinning on the skates, I tower over her crooked frame as I glare down at her. “I learnednothingfrom you. I am nothing like you.”
“Sure, you did, little girl. Out here with a man, having him take care of you. Ain’t that just what I taught you, girl? Ain’t that all I know?”
“Well, you sure as hell don’t know how to be a fucking mother. Or a loyal wife. A decent human being. Crawl back under whatever rock you came out from under.”
“Ah, cry, cry you spoiled little bitch.”
“Whoa,” Devin moves in front of me protectively. I have no idea how to take it. I want to tell him to go, to leave, to never look back and forget about me the way my mother did. Another part of me wants to hide behind him forever because I am tired of not being protected. “You’re not going to talk to her that way. Not in front of me. Do what she asked—go back to wherever the hell you were hiding. Debi does not need you.”
“Ooh, big man,” she cackles, sucking at the cigarette stuffed between her dirty fingers. “Might not protect her if you know what trash she is.”
“If you were a man, I’d clean your fucking clock,” Devin growls at her, moving his arms behind him to wrap them around me. “You keep talking I might just forget. Get lost—and fucking stay lost.”
My mother gapes up at him with that worn face, those glassy eyes, and then she huffs and brushes past us. She never says another word. I am shaking. No. No, it is not me shaking. It is Devin. His big body shudders as he keeps me pressed to his back, his hands tight on my waist.
“Calm down, baby,” I whisper, rubbing my hands down his tense back. “She is gone.”
Tears fall from my eyes as that sob rips out of me at last. I fall against his back, my arms closing around his shoulders. We’re moving but I don’t even care. I just hold him tight, afraid to life my head, to see what is going on, afraid that everyone will be watching us.
They were always watching me. Talking about me. Whispering mean, hateful things about the poor girl with the drunkard mother. Everyone in town knew her. She was always out making scenes at all the bars, trying to hustle money on the corners, offering all she had to get another drink.
We’re in shadows, the place we always wind-up in. Devin moves, spinning us on our skates. Pressing me against the glowing neon wall, he lowers his head to press his brow to mine. I grab fistfuls of his shirt, tugging him closer, holding him as if I’m afraid he might slip away.
“Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me alone, Devin. Please. I couldn’t…I could not stand it if you left me now,” I am shivering as he crushes his hard body against mine, as if he knows I need to feel that he’s there.
“I won’t. I would never. I will never. You are not her. Baby, you are not that woman, and you never will be. I will never ever let her get close to you again. I swear to you. Look at me, Debi, look at me baby,” he demands, the tone giving me no choice but to obey. I see the truth in his light eyes, and I nod. “I promise. You never have to see her again if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t,” I sob, hiccupping as I burrow my face against his chest. “I hate her. I hate her. I tried not to for a long time. For too long. I just…I do, I hate her. I never want to be her. I am not her,” I rush my words out, remembering what she said about using men. “I swear to you, I am not using you. I am not…you do not have to take care of me. I am going back to school. You do not have to take care of me.”
“Oh, baby, yes I do,” he husks, startling me as he cradles my face in his big hands. “That is what we do when we fall in love, ain’t it?”
We’re both total wrecks, cuddled up in the corner of Skateland. Music pumps through the bubblegum, popcorn scented air. It could be just another summer night just like a hundred I spent before. Hiding out here or the mall. Staying at Jenna’s as long as I could.
It is not just another summer night. Not another night where I have to hide out or lie to myself about what was going on at home. I stopped pretending a long time ago. Pretending she would get sober for me. That she would change for me. Show me she cared about me.
“Let me get you home, baby. We need to talk.”
Suddenly I want to skate off the way I would have when I was a young girl. Tell this boy to get lost and pretend I did not care he was judging me. I had to grow thick skin. Become tough. Put on dark makeup to hide my sadness, sing about broken hearts and homes.
But I don’t run off to pretend I am not falling apart. I donottell him to get lost; I would be lost without him. Idocare what he thinks about me, what he could be feeling about me. And I do not want to be tough or hide my sadness. I don’t want another broken heart.
I hoped we had found a home with each other—now I fear it was all just broken.
Chapter Eight
Devin
Nothing comes without sacrifice.
I am willing, no I am wanting to, sacrifice everything for my rockstar Debi. Whatever she needs, whatever it takes to put her back in one piece, it will be me giving it to her. It took one look at that woman who claims to be a mother to understand all the missing pieces of the puzzle I’ve been putting together one piece by piece since we met.
Leading the way inside her place, locking the door after us, I do not stop until we get to her bedroom. Debi is still shaking. I was for a long time too. Hearing that woman talk to the woman I love the way she did…and knowing she had always done it, that she had dug those scars into Debi that I am trying to heal set me off.
“What…what do we have to talk about? My lovely birth canal? That piece of trailer trash I barely survived?”
Taking an unsteady breath, I set her gently on the edge of the bed. Kneeling on the floor in front of her, I let that breath out before I carefully choose my words. They will set the tone for the rest of our relationship. For the rest of our lives if we can agree we’re lasting well past summer.
“That woman is not you,” I stress the words. “Not you, Debi. Youwill notbecome her. Not because of me. Or Jenna. Not even because of Purple Hearts. Because you are everything good, everything brave, everything true in this world. I was drawn to you because of that. Because of how you looked at that girl at the fair with the same admiration in your eyes that she stood there gazing at you with.”
