Chapter One
Debi
Everybody has dreamt of being a star.
Well, I think most people at least. From the time I was a little girl, I craved attention. I loved making others laugh or applaud my little songs or shows I put on for anyone who would watch. I thought it might go away as I got older but instead my desire to perform, to be in the spotlight, it just grew.
In high school, I started a band. Really, I just got some friends who could bang on the drums and strum a few chords on a guitar to hang out with me while I played rock star. But then, my best friend Jenna started writing our music. What she can create is magical. I never wanted to sing covers or anything else but that magic she wrote for us.
Pine Grove is not Hollywood or New York City, but we have a great music scene here. We started playing at dive bars, high school dances, or even birthday parties just to have a place to play our music. Soon we built a following and we started headlining shows and even did a small tour around the area last summer.
It has been the time of my life, living a rock star lifestyle out on the road. My band has become my family, and we’ve made memories together I will always cherish. I have not slowed down since I got out of high school. As my friends start to slow down, start to look at their lives, it seems as if they’ve taken notice of all the things we have missed.
“Jordan just wants me to be careful,” Jenna hums as she pulls a linen dress out of her closet.
“Dude, I get it,” I say even if I am a bit sad. “You need to be careful. I agree with your husband that you need to play it safe.”
They just got married a few months ago and wasted no time getting pregnant. I am happier for them than I am letting on. I have to be the tough chick. The badass rockstar. Nothing gets to me. But the truth is, I almost screwed things up with my best friend last summer and I am damn lucky we’re still friends.
Trying to claw my way to the top, I tried to use her new boyfriend, Jordan, as a stepping stone. He is the hot new DJ in town and the brains behind an awesome show at the Pine Grove Galleria. I knew they were seeing each other but in a flash of selfishness, I didn’t care. I was getting desperate to get the hell out of Pine Grove, so I behaved desperately.
Jenna stood up to me for the first time in our lives. I have always been the mouthpiece, the one lighting fires and stirring the pot. Sometimes I forgot who the brain behind our operation is. I forgot to be thankful for her support, for her friendship, and took advantage of her in ways I never meant to.
I am still mending that bridge, which is why I am here today. I am taking my newlywed best friend forever out to the fair. Jordan will be there hosting some shows so we’re going to make the rounds, getting her all the fried twinkies or funnel cakes she wants. I am thrilled she is having a baby because we talked about raising our kids together while we were big rock stars. Or, well, whileIwas the rocker that she made a star with her music.
“I can taste the lemonade,” Jenna muses as she rubs at her belly again. “I will need at least four, for sure.”
“What the pregnant lady wants, the pregnant lady gets,” I swear, fussing with my hair in big mirror over her vanity.
Jenna looks adorable in her little linen dress, round belly, and Reeboks. Her blonde hair is pulled back from her makeup free face. On the other hand, I am wearing tattered denim shorts, a snug neon tank top, and my dark hair is streaked with neon colors. Itotallynailed the rockstar look.
“We look good, let’s go have a blasty-blast at the fair, babes.”
Outside it is a beautiful summer day with bright, white puffs of clouds in the blue skies. Before we even get to the fairgrounds, I can hear the laughter and shrieks from people on the rides, I can smell the fried foods and sweet cotton candy. It has been a long time since we went out to have a good time together.
“Will you guys continue the tour this fall?” Jenna wonders as I pay for us both, showing off as usual.
“Yeah. Maybe. I mean, I don’t know for sure. Otis wants to take a little break to be with his old lady. Matty wants to finish his final year of college. I uh...I’ve been thinking about going back to school too.”
Jenna stops walking, turning to cock a look at me. It is to be expected that she would not take me seriously. I am rarely serious about anything other than being a rock star and having a good time. But I mean this. I am not fooling myself that I will be able to live like a rockstar forever.
“Oh yeah? That’s exciting! Would you go back for music?”
“I mean, maybe. I haven’t figured that part out yet. I just thought it was time to think about growing up.”
Standing in line for a funnel cake—her very favorite—I can’t look at her. I can’t risk seeing judgment in her eyes. Jenna knows me better than anyone and she has always been patient with me. Even when I was not so kind to her, hell even after I flirted with her boyfriend, she never turned her back on me.
We’re growing up and we won’t have a lot more days like this one. Jenna is married now, with a baby coming soon. Her music is so good she can make a career of writing songs for superstar bands. She has her dream. I am still trying to figure mine out.
“Debi,” her voice is kind, gentle, as she puts a hand on my back. “You told me you were going to be a rock star because you loved it. You also told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. I never believed that until you said it. Until I watched you be whatever you wanted to be. You can be a rock star, if you want it. Get out of Pine Grove and tour the entire world if you want. Or...you can go back to school and figure out who else is inside of you.”
Smiling, I turn to her, so grateful for her friendship, for her kind words. I have been thinking for weeks about going back to school, about finding myself beyond a partying rock singer. I want to be somethingmore. I believe Icanbe something more—I just haven’t figured out what that is yet.
“Yeah, well, now it is time to figure out who I am going to be, right? I am young, free, and embarking on a whole new life. Starting with a ride on the Ferris Wheel,” I declare, seeing the shock on her face.
“No. No, no we’re not doing that. We hate heights.”
“No, I am afraid of heights, babes,” I argue, backing up towards the line with a smile, “I want to face my fears, starting with that big boy there.”
