Becoming more and more like my father, not in a million years will I be like that mother fucker.
I walk back to the room and see Lillian fast asleep; she looks beautiful sleeping like this, it is taking everything in me not to turn her over and fuck her senseless. I have to control myself; I am not an animal.
I can’t help but remember how it felt to have her lips finally around my cock, I can feel it growing hard again and I groan. I walk over to the bed and bring her close to me again. When was the last time I fell asleep next to someone? When was the last time I held a girl after we did anything?
I look down at Lillian, her lashes long and curled, her hair is a dark brown and smells of strawberries and mint, her skin is a beautiful caramel cream, and her smile lines are beautiful, she isn’t this drop-dead gorgeous woman and yet I can’t help but be captivated by her.
She’s the first woman who I can’t bring myself to sleep with, I’ve slept with many pawns just so I can get information from them. They have all been nothing more, but empty shells used for my disposal. But, when it came to her, everything, and anything I knew about how I am as a person started to disappear.
I never knew I could just sleep next to someone; I never knew my heart was capable of sinking like it did when I saw her on the floor. I hold her tighter; she makes me realize parts of me I’ve never realized before.
Whenever she looks at me my heart feels warm. When I see her cry it's as if the world has become ice around me and I want to kill whoever brought those tears to her eyes. When I see her smile, I become greedy because I want to keep that smile all to myself. My eyelids become heavy. I can’t remember the last time I actually got some good sleep. I sigh and caress her cheek,
“Oh Lillypad, what have you done to me?” I tell her and I find my own sleep.
? ----- {⋅. ? .⋅} ----- ?
I wake up and see Lillian still sleeping, I can’t help but smile. She's sprawled out on the other side of the bed almost like a starfish, she must have been tired. I get up quietly and shower, I get dressed and see she is still sleeping. I kiss her head and walk downstairs and see my father there talking with his assistant.
“Adonis, I hear you have a guest.”
He says as I grab an apple. I can’t help but groan in frustration, I can’t tell him it’s Lilly,
“Yeah, I do,”
I tell him and he smirks.
“Well, I am sure Lillian is tired, have you asked her to the Masquerade?”
He asks me and I know what he wants.
“Why would I do that?”
I ask him and he looks at me and I feel a chill go down my spine.
“Because son, I’m sure you don’t have a date. She can invite her friends as well. I’m sure Noah and Liam will also need dates?”
I can’t help but ball my fist,
“Don’t tell me you’ve grown feelings for her now, Adonis. Because then it makes it so much harder when I tell you to kill her.”
I can’t defy my father and when he says to do something I have to do it, if he tells me to jump, I jump, if he tells me to kill I kill.
“Yes sir, I’ll invite than and inform Liam and Noah to invite her friends,”
My father raises an eyebrow,
“I see those boys are doing their jobs as well, wonderful.”
I nod and leave the room. I hate him, I will never be like him not over my fucking dead body.
Growing up with him as a father wasn’t always bad, but from the beginning, he hid secrets from my mother from me, and the moment my mother found something she wasn’t supposed to, he ended her life.
I walk back to the room and see Lillian is still asleep. My father’s right, she's nothing more than a pawn, I have to remember this. She means nothing to me. So why do I feel so guilty whenever I do use her or ask her something?
I can’t be in love with her, no I’m not capable of love, she can’t fix me no one can. I sit on the bed with a book, I don’t want to watch TV cause then I’ll wake her. I stop for a minute and look at her again, her hair a mess and her nose scrunched up from a dream.
No, I can’t be in love with her, I don’t deserve to love anyone. I don’t deserve to be loved. She’s very good for me and I know it. Yet I can’t let her go. Will I be able to do what needs to be done after all?
