I frowned as I looked at the elf. “Wait,that’sClara?”
The fiery little redhead was ripping into a group of older kids dressed as snowmen. Despite towering over her, they stopped goofing around and waddled to take their places without argument. Then she went after a couple of girls dressed as reindeer, herding them to stand by the sleigh.
Nic smiled like the proud big brother he was. “Yeah, you can barely recognize her in that getup, right? The role of Head Elf isn’t as good as being the Spirit of Christmas, but she’s jumped right into it. I’m telling you, she was born for this kind of stuff.”
“Yeah, yeah, good for her, man.” I pulled the door closed a little more and leaned in closer, resting my cheek against the doorframe. “Listen, I have a problem. It’s this costume. It fits all wrong and I can’t go out looking like this.”
“You look fine, dude. You’re such a girl.” Nic pushed the door in, and me with it, like we weighed nothing.
I stepped back into the room so no one outside could see me. “Close the door.”
His gaze immediately slid down to my crotch. His eyes widened, his cheeks puffed out, hepointedat the offensive swell in my pants, threw his head back, and burst out laughing. “Dude, what is that? Did you stuff your Santa pants? That’s just wrong!”
“What do you mean? That’s my dick.”
“No it’s not.” He chuckled. “You rolled up a pair of socks or something.” His brow furrowed as he looked at me. “Right? Those are socks?”
“No, dude. It’s just me.”
Nic immediately averted his gaze. “Ew, bro, why are you showing me that?”
“I’m tryingnotto show it to anyone tonight,” I said, frustrated. “That’s the whole point. Now do you see my problem?”
“Problem? That looks like a blessing to me.” He shook his head and whistled through his teeth. “Did you find a magic lamp or something? What were your other two wishes?”
“This isn’t funny. If I go out there like this, I’m not getting that extra credit.”
“Go out like that and you’ll straight-up get arrested, bro. This is a school function. Mysisteris here.” He shot me a glare. “You better keep that damn thing away from her.”
“I would never mess with Clara,” I said. “Bro code. Sisters are off limits. I know that.”
He nodded like the matter was settled. “Okay, we can fix this. We just have to think. Why is it that we never see Santa’s dick?”
“What? I can think of lots of reasons. One, it’s cold at the North Pole. Two, he has pants that fit. Three, special underwear.”
“No, it’s because he’s got a bowl full of jelly,” Nic said certainly, waving away my comments.
“I’m not following.” I was suddenly wondering if I had asked the wrong person for help. Nic’s heart was in the right place, but his problem-solving skills were questionable.
“You’re too skinny. That suit needs padding. Hold on, I think I saw something that can help.” He sped out the door like a freight train on a mission.
I had no choice but to wait. A minute later, he came back in with his arms filled with what looked like a bunch of cotton. “It’s a blanket of fake snow from under the Christmas tree out there. Shove it in your pants.”
I did as he said. The wadded-up cotton did the trick. I looked at myself again in the mirror. “It’s a little low. Pot-bellied Santa.”
“Better than it was. I also got you this off the tree.” Nic held up a candy cane. “You stick this in your pocket, and if anyone says anything, you show them this.”
“You’re a lifesaver, dude,” I said. “I owe you big time.”
He held the candy cane like a pistol and poked the “barrel” into my chest. “Just don’t mess this up. We need you in the championship game.”
“I’m good to go, man.”
He handed me the candy cane and I stowed it in my pocket.
“I’m going back out now,” Nic said. “Your brothers said they would save me a seat up front. Don’t worry, I won’t catcall you.”
Of course they had found seats in the front. My brothers were both home from college. Troy was a senior and Chris was a sophomore. The moment they heard their little brother was in the Christmas play, they insisted on being there.
