She’s quiet for a moment, but I give her the time she needs to find her next question.
“And you subscribe?”
“Since day one,” I confirm.
She sucks in a breath, and I grasp the edge of the counter to stop myself from going to her.
How is it possible to hate her pain more than my own? Just the idea of Lexi hurting makes my chest ache painfully.
“Have we interacted?”
“Most days.”
I can’t help myself now. I need to see her. I need to make sure she’s okay, but when I turn, I see betrayal shining in her eyes. The hurt that I lied to her, that I took on a false persona, that every conversation we had in confidence was under false pretenses to her.
“You’re CJP?”
I nod my confirmation.
Tears well in her eyes. She opens her mouth to say something but snaps it shut again as her mind wanders to all the conversations we’ve had, all the parts of herself she’s shown me, both her body and her mind.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” Her voice breaks. “Or were you content playing the nice guy online while pushing me away in person?”
The words hit exactly where she intends, and they hurt. I’m no stranger to harsh words, having heard them my entire life from the people who should have loved me unconditionally, but there’s something about hearing them from my sweet Lexi that takes my breath away.
“Lexi—”
“No.” She holds a hand up, her eyes filling with tears. “You don’t get to justify this. This is fucked up, Colten. So fucked up.” She slips off the edge of the stool, and a bolt of panic shoots through me like lightning.
I’m going to lose her.
She’s going to leave.
I can’t let that happen.
My feet are carrying me toward her before I can think to stop myself. She needs time to process everything that has happened in the last twenty-four hours, but I don’t know if I can give it to her.
Lexi turns on her heel, stopping me in my tracks just a few feet from where she’s standing. “Don’t follow me, Colten. I need some time. You owe me that much.”
“No,” I reply easily. “I’ve given fifteen years of time. I don’t have any more strength to stay away, Wildcat.”
Her eyes flash with surprise, but to her credit, her glare never slips. She’s going to make me work for it, and I’m going to do it willingly if it means she’s finally mine.
“Tell me why,” she murmurs. “Tell me why you never told me. Tell me why you pushed me away instead of making a move if you were so infatuated with me. Tell me…something, anything,” she shouts, her chest heaving as the words tumble from her.
I take a step closer, desperate to comfort her, even when I’m the source of her distress. “Because I’m not good enough for you, Lexi. I’ve never been good enough. You’re this bright shining light, and I’m a bastard no one wanted. You deserve the world, not someone that no one ever loved.”
For a moment I think she’s going to come to me, the conflict in her eyes as strong as that in my chest, but she shakes her head as the tears she’s been trying to keep at bay finally fall against her cheeks.
“I can’t do this right now.”
Before I have a chance to so much as reach for her, she disappears into the bedroom, and the lock on the other side of the door engages with a defined click.
She’s been mine for less than a day, and I’ve already fucked it up.
But if Lexi thinks I’m going to give her up without a fight, she has another thing coming.
TWENTY-SEVEN
