How do animals know when you need them?
I’ve never had a pet of my own, but my friends who have them always talk about how their furry best friend is the first to know something is wrong.
There’s a part of me that knows Nico Sinclair won’t be the man for me.
It may just be because he lives so far from Seattle and moving feels impossible, or maybe it’s just the reality that I’ve been ignoring for years.
That no one else is ever going to fill the empty place in my chest that isn’t the one person I can never have.
I shake off the thought and reach for my phone beneath the pillow where I stashed it so I wouldn’t keep obsessively checking it.
After a few messages back and forth two days ago, he’s gone quiet again, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s because of something I’ve done.
Maybe he’s lost interest in me.
Maybe he’s found someone else. Someone real.
Sometimes, when the loneliness has been too much to bear, I’ve wondered how compatible we truly are. If messages are anything to go by, we’re a perfect match, but that’s the problem with meeting people online. You don’t know who they truly are until you meet, and that’s the one rule I made for myself when I started my account.
Never meet in person.
If it weren’t for my Mafia ties, I would probably have ditched that rule a long time ago, even if I never actually went through with meeting anyone, but I can’t risk my life like that.
If an enemy family got wind of what I was doing and posed as someone else, they could so easily take me, and then I would have to explain to my brother that I’ve been a cam girl for the last five years.
Hard pass on that, thank you very much.
That’s a conversation I never plan on having with my overprotective big brother.
And I won’t be doing this forever. Soon enough, I’ll be a Mafia wife, and this chapter of my life will be closed.
Even as I think it, my heart pangs. Not because sharing my body on the internet is my dream job, but because it’s the only thing in my entire existence that has ever been just for me.
CJP: I miss you.
The three simple words make my heart explode and butterflies run rampant in my stomach.
It’s stupid and reckless to have feelings for a man I’ve never met, but I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t feel anything for him.
I don’t even know his real name, for God’s sake. Only his screen name.
Like I said, pathetic.
Wildcat: You’ve been quiet again.
CJP: I know, I’m sorry. Work has been…frustrating.
Wildcat: How long until your boss is back?
CJP: Another two weeks at least, although I wouldn’t be surprised if he extended his trip.
Wildcat: Selfishly, I hope he doesn’t.
CJP: Me too.
CJP: What are you up to?
Wildcat: Trying to find something to wear for a date.
