Sakurai’s hand shot out, gripping my wrist. “Leave it.”
“But—”
“Leave it.” His voice was sharp. Urgent. Almost frightened. “And do not speak of this until I say you may.”
“But—”
He leaned in, his whisper a plea. “Kaneko, listen to me. For the love of the gods, do as I say. These walls hear; you know this to be true. Youmust notspeak of this evening to anyone, and certainly not where others might overhear.”
He withdrew his hand and stepped back.
My gaze shifted from his eyes back to the desk.
The coin was gone.
I blinked. Stared. Blinked again.
It had been there a moment ago. I had seen it, reached for it, held it, but now the desk was empty, as if nothing had been there at all.
“Come,” Sakurai said again and then led me from Momoko’s office.
Chapter 17
Kaneko
Ifollowed on numb legs. We walked in silence.
I had so many questions.
Who was that woman? What did she want? What was I being offered? Who was Sakurai, really? What was he? What game was he playing, and why was I now a piece on that board?
But every time I opened my mouth, words died on my tongue.
Finally, we reached my chamber, and Sakurai slid the door open and gestured for me to enter.
“Sakurai-san,” I said, turning to face him, hoping the honorific might throw him off just enough to resolve some of my confusion. “Who was that woman? What did she want from me?”
He stared for a long moment. Something moved behind his eyes—conflict, perhaps, or fear.
“I cannot answer that,” he said finally.
“Cannot or will not?”
“Both.” He glanced down the corridor, as if checking for listeners, then slid my door closed. When he spoke again, his voice was barely a whisper. “Do not speak of this to anyone. Not Hana. Not the mistress. Not even me. Do you understand?”
“No!” I snapped, immediately regretting it. Sakurai was only trying to help. I closed my eyes and gathered myself, then said, “No, I don’t understand what’s happening. What she was asking—”
“You will understand soon.” He met my eyes then, and I saw something there I had never seen before. Genuine emotion. Possibly even sympathy. “In time, you will understand. For now, just . . . think on what she said. Continue your training. Trust in me. I will guide you.”
“Trust?” I nearly spat. “You won’t tell me anything. You don’t even know what she offered?”
“I know enough,” he said quietly, and the steel in his eyes said he knew far more than he would reveal. I’d known this man wore a mask but had no idea his mask also wore one of its own.
As I grappled with shredded thoughts and opaque words, Sakurai stepped out and slid the door closed, leaving me alone. I collapsed onto my mat. My body wouldn’t stop shaking. The tremors ran so deep they felt like they might crack my bones.
I knew the kitchen still stirred, but I couldn’t eat. The thought of food made nausea surge. My stomach was a knot of ice. Every shadow seemed too deep, too dark. I checked them compulsively, expecting to see eyes staring back, expectingherto materialize from the darkness like smoke taking form.
What was she asking me to do? Who did she want me to become?
