The ships were gone.
And Kaneko with them.
A sound tore from my throat—raw and guttural and broken.
I barely recognized it as my own.
I fell to my knees in the surf, saltwater soaking through my trousers. I slammed my fists into the sand.
“No! Gods, no!” I bellowed.
How could I have let this happen?
I should have been there, should have stayed at Irie’s shop instead of wasting time in that cursed tavern buying ale for men who knew nothing, who offered even less, should have protected Kaneko better, watched over him more carefully, never let him out of my sight.
But I had.
And now he was gone.
Taken by Kichi, the very man I’d once calledtaichou, the man I’d served for years, the man who’d saved me as a child only to make me complicit in his crimes.
I’d thought I could escape that life, thought I could build something new, something clean here on this island, thought maybe,with Kaneko, I could become someone worth—
Stop!my mind screamed.He’s not yours to lose. He was never yours.
But gods, I wanted him to be—and it felt like I was losing him anyway.
I stared at my shaking hands, now coated in sand. As though moving a massive stone from a tomb, I finally admitted what I’d been too afraid to acknowledge but knew all along to be true:
I loved him.
It wasn’t the vague attraction I’d felt for Taira when I was young and stupid, nor the companionship I’d shared with other crew members over the years.
This was different.
Deeper.
It had carved itself into my bones and made a home there.
I loved the way Kaneko challenged me, the way he refused to submit even when fear and circumstance demanded it. I loved his sharp tongue and even sharper mind. I loved how he looked at the ocean like it was an old friend, even after it had nearly killed him.
And I loved his loyalty to people he’d lost, his devotion to a boy named Yoshi who might not still live.
I loved him, and I’d failed him.
Twice.
Once when I stood by and let Kichi steal him from his home. And again now, my own carelessness delivered him right back into thetaichou’s hands.
“Damn you!” I roared at the empty sea. “Damn you for taking him! Damnmefor letting it happen!”
The waves didn’t answer.
They never did.
I pushed to my feet, water streaming from my clothes, and tilted my head back to the vengeful sky.
“Amaterasu, Susanoo, any of you up there listening—” My voice cracked. “He doesn’t deserve this. Whatever sins I’ve committed, whatever debts I owe—take them from me. Punish me, but let him go free. Please. I beg you.”
