I couldn’t breathe.
The moment my eyes locked on the baby, everything inside me stopped. The child was squirming, blinking at the unfamiliar surroundings, his fingers clutching at Jess’s sweater, but all I saw were Pax’s eyes staring back at me.
It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be. And yet—he was right there.
My chest tightened, my stomach twisted into knots, and a cold sweat broke out at the back of my neck. I heard Marcus say something to Jess—soft, calm words—but the meaning slipped through my grasp like water through shaking hands. All I could do was stare, and I felt Marcus take the guitar from me.
Jess shifted her weight, her eyes finding mine, filled with something I couldn’t name. Guilt? Fear?Hope? “Tyler,” she whispered, voice thick. “Can we sit?”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. My legs felt like lead as I stood, gesturing toward the small couch in the corner. Jess lowered herself, settling the baby on her lap, smoothing a hand over his curls.
Marcus moved back and hovered by the doorway, giving me space but close enough that I could feel his presence steadying me, grounding me.
“I got your letter,” she murmured.
“I shouldn’t have sent it,” I said. Had Iguiltedher into visiting?
“No. You should. Thank you. It meant everything to me and…” She stopped, her eyes filling with tears, and my heart hurt. She ended on a whisper. “I should’ve come sooner.”
I swallowed hard, finding my voice at last, though it came out rough. “Your son…Pax’s son?”
She nodded, then glanced down at the boy, her eyes glistening. “This is Eli. He’s nearly one, not walking yet.”
“Did he know?” I whispered, pain lacing every word.
Tears filled Jess’s eyes, and her voice broke. “I never got to tell him. I should have the moment Ifound out, because he’d have been so happy, but I thought we had all the time in the world.”
“You never told me?” I was hurt, but she had every reason not to want to see me or tell me a damn thing. I should have saved Pax. Would’ve gladly taken his place. Particularly now that I knew he had a child.
“After everything… after losing him, and watching you shut down completely… I didn’t know how to handle it. You were here, but you weren’there.You wouldn’t let me in; you wouldn’t let anyone in. You stopped talking, stopped feeling—at least where anyone could see. I tried to look at you, but all I could see was Paxton. Every time I wanted to reach out… I c-couldn’t.” Her breath hitched. “I was so scared to push too much because you were barely holding on as it was.”
“I’m sorry he didn’t come home.”
“That’s not on you, Ty.”
I started to speak, but she pressed a finger to my lips. “I was pregnant, Ty. I didn’t even know how to say those words aloud. I was grieving Pax, terrified of losing the baby, and carrying all of that alone. I felt so guilty for carrying a part of him when he wasn’t here to share it with me. And then—worse—there were days I was relieved you survived insteadof him. And that made me feel like a monster. The man I loved was dead, but my brother lived, and I couldn’t balance the two in my head. I hated myself for even feeling that way. I thought maybe if I stayed away, you’d heal better without me dragging you into my mess, and I’d learn how to handle being a mother on my own. But all I did was run.”
I slumped to the sofa next to her as my heart broke. “I understand.”
“No! You don’t.” Eli wriggled in her arms but didn’t wake up. “I couldn’t have both of you. Pax died, but I still had you. Then, I hated you because Pax wasn’t here, and I hated myself. I couldn’t find a place where I could make sense of any of it when all I could see were your scars.”
I winced, the shame bubbling up. “They’re ugly, I know,” I murmured back.
“No,” she said fiercely, shaking her head. “They’re not ugly. They reminded me of what I didn’t have anymore, and it hurt so bad to see you hurt, and to know I’d never see Paxton again.”
“I understand,” I repeated because I think she needed to hear it.
“You lived, Ty,” she said. “You fought like hell to come back to me and now, to Eli. I wanted you to see him smile, to watch you take him to his firsthockey game, to be there coaching little league, teaching him to skate, laughing at his terrible first swings with a bat. I wanted him to know you as I knew you—as Pax knew you. You were supposed to be part of his world from the moment Pax and I made him. But the longer I stayed away, the harder it got. And now…” Her voice broke, and she covered her mouth with her hand as the tears spilled. “Now, I don’t even know if it’s too late.”
“No.” My throat burned, and I hugged her as best I could, waking Eli, who mumbled something and opened sleepy eyes. “Family.”
Eli shifted, glancing up at me, unaware of the storm of emotions crashing around him. I forced a breath, my gaze dropping to his tiny face, and something inside me cracked wide open.
“Can I…?” I managed, lifting a shaky hand.
Jess smiled, nodding. “Of course.”
I brushed Eli’s soft curls. His little hand reached up, wrapping around my finger, holding on with surprising strength, and I glanced at Jess, who pressed her free hand to my arm.
