His words become distant as my brain buzzes, a static charge withdrawing me away from the present moment until I don’t feel like I’m in my own body. I feel dizzy, but the nothingness I’m staring at is locked steady.
I manage to snap myself out of it, blinking a few times to clear the haze from my eyes in time for him to say, “Also, I would recommend looking into doing an autism assessment at a time that suits you. I’m unable to advise on a professional level, but there are overlapping traits present.”
My mouth goes dry. I don’t know what any of this means.
“How do you feel now you have this information, Elliot?” Dr. Adams asks.
I shrug, unable to meet his gaze. There’s an ache in my stomach, and all I want to do is get out of here and curl up.
“I, uh… I guess I’m not surprised,” I say quietly.
“I appreciate it’s a lot to take in. It can feel overwhelming, but we’re here for any support you need. And we can discuss all the available options to you at any time, including the various routes of medication.”
I nod, not really knowing what else to say.
I’d built it up in my head to be this big thing. Like receiving a diagnosis would be this revelation that would change my life, but it hasn’t been that. Maybe it’s because after Hunter mentioned it and I had the chance to look into it more, a part of me knew. It’s like I’ve been forced to walk around in shoes that were the wrong size. They’ve always been too big or too small. Too wide or too narrow. But now I’ve found a pair that fits perfectly, and it’s given me a sense of validation. Except now I have these shoes that fit, I don’t really know how to process it.
“Are you comfortable with me discussing this with the coaching staff? It will allow them to make necessary accommodations and adjustments as needed,” Dr. Chris asks.
“Sure,” I say flatly. I don’t know what accommodations they can make because being on the ice is the only time my brain shuts up.
Standing from the table, I thank them for their time and tell Dr. Chris and Dr. Adams I’ll be in touch soon to discuss next steps, then make a hasty exit.
I clench my fists, trying to stop my hands from trembling as I make my way toward the locker room to get my things. I was going to stay and do a workout in the gym, but I’m overcome with the need to go home.
The locker room is empty when I walk in. I head to my cubby and pull on my hoodie before grabbing my phone and car keys. I turn toward the door and come to an abrupt halt when Coach Harris looms in the doorway.
“Olsen? You got a minute?” he asks.
Nodding, I follow him down the hall to his office. Boomer greets me in his usual excitable way, and I let him jump into my lap when I take a seat in one of the chairs facing the desk.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, taking a seat behind his desk. He picks up a puck and spins it between his thumb and fingers. “Since the fire?”
“I’m good. Doc has been checking in with me too, but I feel fine.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear that.” He nods a few times. “I wanted to ask you something. An offer, I suppose.”
My spine stiffens slightly as my chest tightens. Is he going to trade me? It’s not ideal going on IR, then having to sit on the bench for two games because I decided to run into a burning building to rescue a dog. Then there was the shit game in Edmonton…
“Okay…” I say slowly, already dreading his answer.
“How would you feel if I asked if you would like to take ownership of Boomer?”
My jaw drops in shock, and Boomer uses that moment to shove his nose in my mouth. I splutter and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.
“What do you mean?”
“Colleen’s circumstances at home have changed, and she’s no longer able to take care of him. I was going to take him home with me, but it would be unfair, given how much we travel, as it would mean putting him into kennels, and I’m reluctant to do so, considering he’s from a rescue home. I didn’t want to risk him thinking he’s been abandoned again.”
I nod in understanding, hugging Boomer a little closer to my chest as I remember the day we got him. He had been so small and skinny.
“I think I underestimated how much you two had bonded. It was only seeing how distressed he was over seeing you faint that I truly understood,” he says, sitting back in his chair. “I’m not expecting an answer today, but I wanted to give you the opportunity first before I extend the offer to the rest of the team.”
I look down at Boomer in my lap. He’s lying on his back, exposing his fluffy belly with his legs in the air. His tongue hangs out, tail wagging happily as I continue to stroke my hand over his ribs.
I want to say yes so badly, but I don’t know what I would do when I’m on the road. Maybe I could ask Alex if he would mind taking care of him? Or maybe Carter, as he works from home for Ethan’s foundation. I guess I should really speak to Hunter first.
“I would need to speak with my boyfriend,” I manage to say, then let out a small huff of surprised laughter. “Look at me, being all sensible for the first time in my life.”
