I nearly lost the man I love.
Just like I lost Duncan.
A sharp pain shoots across my chest, stealing my breath. My heart is beating rapidly against my ribs.It’s beating too fast, but I don’t have enough air to speak. I slump back against the rig for support and gasp for air. Numbness travels down my limbs like a veil, and I slide down until my ass meets the asphalt.
Taking my helmet off, I place my elbows on my bent knees, and I bury my face in my hands. I take a few quick, shallow breaths, then let myself do something I haven’t done in seven years.
I fucking sob.
When we got back to the station, Chief was waiting for me. His arms crossed over his chest, a deep scowl on his face. I fucked up. I broke protocol, and after I explained who Elliot is to me, he signed me off for the rest of the shift. Whether I’ll be reprimanded will be another question, but right now, I don’t care. All I care about is the man lying in the hospital bed in the next room.
I haven’t gone in there yet, as Blaine and Alex are with him. They don’t know I’m here, or if they’ve noticed me peering through the window to his room, they haven’t said anything.
Elliot’s currently asleep. He’s still wearing the oxygen mask and hooked up to an IV. The numbers on the monitor look good, which gives me some relief. But there’s still this heavy cloud hanging over me.
The image of him lying unconscious on the floor keeps playing through my mind on a loop. His lifeless body. His skin, pale and damp. It’s haunting me, and my mind keeps whirling with thoughts of what could have happened if I weren’t there.With the call being out of our designated zone, another station would have responded, and I can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if they didn’t get to him and I lost him. What if the fire spread too quickly and made the rescue impossible? I would have lost him in the same way I lost Duncan, and the thought is fucking killing me.
Sucking in a deep breath through my nose, I blink the tears from my eyes and focus on the fact that he’s still here.
I couldn’t save Duncan, but I was able to save Elliot.
He’s still here.
Fuck. I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want him to be worrying about me when the focus should be on him.
Deciding to grab a coffee, I turn on my heel and make my way toward one of the vending machines. The sound of footsteps following has my spine stiffening instinctively, and next thing I know, Blaine is grabbing a fistful of my shirt and slamming me into the wall.
“You better not fucking leave him,” he spits, fury blazing in his gray eyes. “I will fucking end you if you hurt him.”
Alex rushes over, placing a hand on his husband’s chest and trying to push him off me, but it’s no use. “Blaine, that’s enough.”
I might have a good few inches on Blaine, but he’s using his entire strength to pin me against the wall, and I’m not going to fight him.
“I’m not leaving him. I just…” I shake my head, lifting my gaze to look at the tiled ceiling. My voice is quiet when I continue. “My husband died in a house fire seven years ago. I was deployed at the time. I didn’t find out until days later because they couldn’t reach us.” I swallow roughly, the knot in my throat becoming thicker with each second that passes. “I always thought it would be me who would be the one that didn’t come home. For my whole life, I’ve been the one putting myselfin danger, and yet, I lost my husband, and there was a moment earlier where I thought I’d lost Elliot too.”
I drop my head, and recognition dawns in Blaine’s expression. He loosens his grip on my shirt but doesn’t let me go.
“Seeing him lying there, unconscious…” Tears well in my eyes again, and I press my lips together, shaking my head violently to try and clear the image from my head. “I thought I’d lost him. For a split second, I thought I’d lost him. I’m not leaving him. I could never leave him, and I’ll never hurt him. But I can’t lose him, Blaine.”
Alex wraps his fingers around his husband’s wrist and pulls him off me. He nudges Blaine out of the way, who moves with minimal effort, then steps in front of me. Alex loops his arms around my chest, and I crumble. I cover my face with my hand, crying into my palm as he rubs my back in soothing circles.
“I’m so sorry, Hunter. I can’t begin to imagine the fear you must have felt seeing him like that, especially given the way you lost your husband,” Alex says softly.
Blaine scrubs his face with his palm and sighs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be an asshole.”
I dismiss his apology with a shake of my head, wiping my eyes with my palm. “He’s your brother. I get it.”
“Is that why you became a firefighter? Because of your husband?” Alex asks.
“Yeah. I had to finish up my contract with the Navy, and as soon as I was eligible, I left. I had no fucking idea what I was going to do with myself. Civilian life was so weird to me, but then my uncle offered me a place to stay. A few months later, he mentioned joining the fire department, and something clicked in my brain.” I take a steadying breath before saying, “I couldn’t save my husband, but I could help save other families from experiencing the same heartbreak as I did.”
Alex smiles sadly, sympathy swimming in his eyes.
“Does he know this?’ Blaine asks, and I assume he’s referring to Elliot.
I nod. “He knows.”
The three of us are silent for a moment, the heavy weight of my confession lingering between us until the nurse comes over and says, “He’s awake. He’s asking for someone called Hunter?”
