Wordlessly, I shake my head again.
I don’t know how long we stay like that, me holding on to him with all of my strength. Elliot doesn’t let go. He continues to massage my head with strong fingers, and I focus on the feel of his heart beating against my chest, counting the beats and using the gentlethumpto ground me.
When I feel the edge wear off, I slowly loosen my hold on him, but I don’t let go completely. He takes my face between his hands and looks at me with worried green eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“I…” My voice comes out in a sharp rasp, so I clear my throat. “Sometimes, I have these really vivid nightmares. They feel so real. Like I can smell and taste things as if I’m there.” I swallow roughly, but my voice still cracks when I say, “You were there, but I couldn’t get to you…” I trail off, not needing to go into detail. “Then I woke up, and you weren’t in bed.”
His face falls as understanding dawns on him.
“I’m sorry. That sounds awful. I’m okay, though. I mean, you know that. I’m here.” He presses several quick kisses to my lips. “I was organizing the pantry because I woke up thinking about how I don’t have a system, and now you’re coming over more, Ishould have a system and be more organized. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up.”
I can’t help but let out a small huff of laughter. “You don’t need to do anything for my sake. Just being here is enough for me.”
“But what if you wanted something and you couldn’t find it because it was in the wrong place?”
“Is there a wrong place for anything in a pantry?”
He thinks about it for a moment. “No, I guess not. But I see all these videos online of people who organize their pantries and fridges, and it looks so satisfying.”
Elliot runs his hands over my bare shoulders. I’m aware I was drenched in sweat when I tugged him into my arms, so I’m not surprised to see his chest and arms glistening.
“Can I do anything for you?” he asks quietly.
“Will you shower with me?”
“Yeah.” He nods.
I take a step back, letting him jump down from the countertop. He leads me down the hall into the bathroom but doesn’t turn on the overhead light. One thing I’ve learned is that Elliot doesn’t like overhead lights in any room. He flicks on the dimmer switch, and a soft glow comes on from behind the large mirror. I take a moment to take him in. The low light illuminates him in a gentle way, hiding the slight shadows under his eyes that weren’t there before his road trip. He kicks off his pajama bottoms, then reaches into the shower to switch it on. When the water is up to temperature, he turns around to face me.
“Can I take care of you?” he asks. “You always seem to know what I need before I do, and I wanna be that for you. I might not get it right or pick up on some things, but I want to be the same kind of comfort to you as you are for me.”
My heart swells in my chest. If tonight has made me realize anything, it’s that he might need me, but it turns out I need him more.
Chapter Fourteen
Elliot
It’s been a few days since the night in my kitchen where Hunter showed me a side to him he had kept hidden. He’d looked so scared when he stood in the hallway, his brown eyes wide with panic as he frantically searched for me. I don’t know why I had it in my head that Hunter was this untouchable, invincible guy. Considering what he’s gone through in his life, with being a SEAL and losing his husband in such a horrific way, it would be surprising if hedidn’thave a vulnerable side.
As heartbreaking as it was to witness him like that and feeling the rapid beat of his heart against my chest, it kinda made me fall a tiny bit in love with him.
Okay, so maybe I’ve been falling in love with him this entire time. How could I not? He’s fucking amazing and gorgeous and patient and kind. He’s been this rock-solid support for me, allowing me to lean on him when I’ve needed him most, and then that night,Iwas the one he came to. I was the one who held him and was the steady strength he needed.
After we showered together, we went back to bed, where I proceeded to lie on top of him. I was like a human weighted blanket. He fell asleep with me using his big chest as a pillow, his arms wrapped tight around me, like he was afraid of letting go.
I want that every night. Not the nightmares, but the closeness. The falling asleep together and spending sleepy mornings together. I think we’re reaching the point where things are about to become very real, and for once, I’m not terrified about it.
One thing I am terrified about, though, is meeting his uncle. I’m going over to Hunter’s tonight for dinner with him and Walt. I’ve never done the whole meeting with the parents before. And while I know Walt isn’t Hunter’s dad, he’s told me so much about him and how he’s been the fatherly figure he’s needed over the last few years.
“I’m really nervous,” I confess, loud enough for only Jackson to hear.
We played a game in Detroit last night and landed back in Chicago shortly after midnight. We didn’t have a skate session this morning, but a few of the guys have come in to use the gym, and it’s why I find myself spotting Jackson after my visit with the trainer.
“How come?” he asks, his eyes quickly flashing to mine before focusing back on the barbell he’s currently pressing. “About meeting his uncle?”
“Yeah. Like, what if he doesn’t like me?”
