“That’s where I was based.” My mind races, trying to do the math. He would’ve been in middle school when I moved to California. Fuck. Now that definitely makes me feel old.
“Maybe I used to watch you get all sweaty.” He snorts, and then his eyes go comically wide, and he rushes to add, “That didn’t sound as creepy in my head. I promise I didn’t. I mean, I don’t know if you were there. I didn’t know you then.”
I can’t stop myself from laughing. “I know.”
His cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink. He chuckles to himself before scooping a large spoonful of ice cream into hismouth. My eyes instantly drop to the chocolate dripping from his bottom lip down his chin. Without thinking twice, I reach over, swiping my thumb across his skin to catch it. I lift my gaze to his as I bring my thumb to my lips and suck it off.
His pupils dilate, and when he sticks his pink tongue out to lick over the center of his bottom lip, I feel the caress in my balls.
Fuck, I want to kiss him so bad.
“So, I met Alex today,” I announce, needing to shift the energy to a safer ground.
“You did? He’s awesome.”
“He seems like a nice guy.” I catch his eyes again. “He really cares about you.”
“He does. I love Alex a lot.” He stirs what’s left of his ice cream with his spoon. “I mean, I’m not likein lovewith him, but he’s one of the people who looks out for me. But I…” He trails off with a sigh.
“What is it?”
“I don’t want to sound like an asshole,” he mumbles and hunches over his sundae glass.
“I’m sure you won’t.” I doubt Elliot could ever be an asshole.
He goes quiet, like he’s running something through his mind, and it takes him almost a minute to speak. “When they got married in the summer, I got a bit… sad, I guess. I felt neglected, even though nothing had really changed, except for them signing a piece of paper and exchanging rings, but it was like something had shifted. It’s been me and Blaine since we were little twinny sprogs in the womb.”
I huff a silent laugh, and he grins, but it quickly falls again.
“But then Blaine’s priority became Alex…” He doesn’t need to finish his speaking for me to put the pieces together.
“When it had always been you.”
“Yeah.” He nods. “And it made me realize I’m lonely. Not in a ‘I don’t think I’m loved’ kind of way, because I know I am. ByBlaine, and Alex, and my teammates, and my family, but it’s this kinda loneliness that’s soul-deep. Over the last couple of years, I’ve watched my closest friends fall in love, and while I know that our friendships haven’t changed, it’s highlighted everything I don’t have. There’s only really two people who fully see me, and that’s Blaine and Alex. But they have each other… and I’m like….”
His sadness is evident in his eyes, and my heart breaks for him.
My words almost come out in a whisper when I say, “You feel like an intruder.”
“Yeah,” he sighs. “I spend so much time trying to mold myself into being this person I think I need to be to try and fit in, but with doing that, I’ve almost isolated myself.” He runs a hand through his hair, brushing it off his face. “Alex says I need to just be myself, and I’ll find someone who appreciates me for me, but it’s been hard because I don’t know how to fully be myself in every social situation. I know I’m safe with most of my teammates, and I can be myself with them, but in other situations, I struggle to know who or what is safe.”
I appreciate you,I want to say, but I can’t seem to make myself say it out loud. I don’t want him thinking he’s a rebound when he learns about Duncan and how this is the most time I’ve spent with someone since I lost him.
I know I need to tell him everything, but there’s this seed of insecurity stopping me.
Because what if he realizes I’m not worth it when he sees how much baggage I come with?
It’s almost 2:00 a.m. when we pull up outside his apartment building, and while I’m not ready to let him go, he’s starting to look tired. The adrenaline and dopamine high he was feeling after the game and his win are starting to wear off.
“Thanks for meeting me,” I say, genuinely.
He looks over and gives me a tired smile. “Thanks for the ice cream.”
My gaze drops to his lips. I want to lean in and taste him. Nibble on those pillowy soft lips that drive me fucking wild.
It must be visible on my face because he bites down and slowly drags his teeth over his bottom lip.
Fuck.
